


Do You Remember?

by mahanny



Series: Do You Remember? [1]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Love, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4999909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahanny/pseuds/mahanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re afraid of walking into my house because it reminds you of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

_He left, and I broke apart._

~~November 2016.~~

She looked up at hearing the laugh of a young couple. They were walking down the sidewalk, holding hands as he kissed her cheek, whispering things against her skin, and she was laughing out loud. It made her turn her stomach and she looked at her lap intently with a blank face, gripping the hem of the fabric of her dress.

 _“So, what do you think?” Caroline asked, walking down the sidewalk with him at her side. Only that he had his arm around her waist and he kept brushing the tip of his nose against her cheek, smiling._  
_“About what?” he asked, and pressed his lips against her cheek._  
 _“Stefan…” she rolled her eyes and smiled. “Did you hear anything I said?”_  
 _“Yes… Something about Bonnie and…” he kissed her cheek again and then threw his head back to look at her with a frown.  “Wait, Enzo?”_

_Caroline nodded, excited._

_“Haven’t you noticed a spark between them? Since Enzo joined our side, they’ve spent a lot of time together, and the truth is that they could, I don’t know, have a date?”_   
_“But… He’s Enzo.”_   
_“Are you going to help me or not?”_   
_“Don’t you think that they’re the ones who should-?”_   
_“Ugh” Caroline grabbed his face and gave him a quick peak to not let him talk. “Never mind, I’ll manage.”_

_She climbed the steps of the porch of her house and Stefan looked at her, amused._

_“Your changes of mood will drive me crazy” he said, climbing the steps. Caroline laughed and turned around to put her arms around his neck.  
“Thanks for the walk” she said. Stefan smiled and put his hands on her waist.  “And for the dinner, and the ice cream, and-”_

_Her words vanished in the air, as Stefan pressed his lips against her mouth. Her back hit the door and they both smiled as he parted her lips with his tongue. Caroline looked for the knob of the door with her hand to open it and they headed toward the stairs as they undressed each other._

“Earth to Caroline” Bonnie said, sitting beside her on the bench of the porch.

Caroline looked up with a surprised face, as if she had really forgotten that Bonnie was there. She took the cup of hot chocolate that Bonnie was handing her, noticing how the brunette was examining her, worried, as if she feared for her mental health.

“And… Well, what I was saying is that Enzo’s birthday is next week, and Damon and I thought about preparing a birthday party” Bonnie said. Caroline nodded with a blank stare, and took a sip. “Are you coming? Enzo will like having you there, and he wants to see you. And Damon won’t stop telling me to force you to go. He says that if you won’t, he’ll come here to pick you up.”

Caroline let out a little laugh of disdain, shaking her head.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea” she finally said.  
“Caroline, I don’t want to push you, but it’s been five months and-”  
“Bonnie, please” she said, looking away towards the end of the street. She heard her friend sigh and realized that the young couple was gone. As  _they_  were.

* * *

~~December 2016.~~

Caroline closed her eyes and pursed her lips when she heard the blows at the door. She had hoped that his threats were that: simple threats. But no, Damon Salvatore was hitting on the door and shouting like crazy.

“Blondie, I know you’re there. So you better open the damn door or I’ll tear it down myself.”

Caroline pressed pause and rose from the couch to open the door. Damon glared at her.

“So…?”  
“Enzo’s party starts in 15 minutes. Dress” he said, looking at his wristwatch.  
“I’m not going” she said flatly.  
“Look, blondie-”  
“Will you stop?” she asked suddenly, raising so much the tone of the voice that he got startled. “Stop doing whatever you’re doing, stop sticking your nose into my life! If he’s the one asking you to check on me, save it, okay?”

They had never got along. But since Damon was playing the babysitter role, fighting had become a habit day in day out.

“Tell him he can stop feeling guilty, okay?” Caroline said, trying to calm down.  
“Don’t say nonsense” Damon said. “I’m not doing this because he asked me to. I’m not his bitch.”

Caroline turned around to head to the couch, not knowing what was worse: Stefan telling him to take care of her, or Stefan not telling him so. Damon stepped forward and sighed.

“You can’t be afraid of stepping into a house all your life. It’s just a house!” he exclaimed.

Was she so obvious?

“I’m not afraid of your stupid house” she muttered, flopping on the couch.  
“Of course not, but you’re scared of the memories of it.”

Caroline’s fingers gripped the remote control without noticing and she focused on the hood of the pen that she had left on the table. She had to find the pen.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about” she mumbled.  
“Oh, come on. You’re afraid of walking into my house because it reminds you of him. I get it, okay? You don’t want to face it after how things ended, but it’s stupid not to-”  
“Leave, Damon.”

Since when did he care for her? And that was not the worst, the worst part were his sermons. She was tired of them and his insistence.

“Well, as you like, Caroline” he said, emphasizing her name.

The last thing she heard was the slam of the door after he left. And then silence overwhelmed her ears and her other senses again. She wondered if she would ever stop hearing the noise that the silence caused.

* * *

~~January 2016.~~

Bonnie looked at her askance while driving, wondering whether to ask the question or not. She had forgotten a jacket at the Salvatore house last week and, now that they were heading to Mystic Falls after a week at Whitmore, the boarding house was on their way.

“Caroline?” she said almost in a whisper.  
“Hm?” Caroline kept looking through the window.  
“Do you mind if I…? I left a jacket at Damon’s house” she chose not to say _his_  name. “Do you mind if we drop by for a moment so I can take it? It’s on our way.”

Caroline turned her face to her and looked at her, her eyes staring at Bonnie’s intently. For a moment, she thought about compelling her to make her forget what she had just asked and keep going to Mystic Falls. But what kind of friend would she be if she did that to her? Bonnie did not deserve something like that even if she was dying to compel her.

Finally, she chose to shrug and Bonnie took it as a positive response.

When she stopped the car in front of the facade of the house, she saw how Caroline pulled out her phone to focus on it and not look up.

“I’ll be right back” Bonnie said as she opened the car door. Caroline nodded without looking at her.

The brunette closed the car door after getting out and everything was silent again. Caroline stared at the screen of her phone without doing anything really. She swallowed hard and turned the radio on with her gaze fixed on the dashboard. But the song that was playing was not enough to distract her. She turned it off, dropped the phone under the seat and pulled her knees to her chest to hug herself and hide her face between her legs. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to think of something else, anything. But it was difficult, especially after her life had become monotone the last half of the year.

Her vamp-hearing caught the shouts of Damon and Bonnie from any room of the house. They were fighting, and for the first time in a long time, she was grateful to listen to them. She relaxed her shoulders and looked up, pushing her hair away from her forehead. Her eyes wandered from her hands to the dashboard until they focused on one of the windows of  _his_ bedroom helplessly.

_Caroline got out of the car and walked toward the front door, but then she remembered that she had forgotten the bag with Thai food inside of it. She turned around and opened the door of the car to crouch and lean forward to catch it._

_“Ahem.”_

_Caroline smiled, reached out and grabbed the bag. When she turned around, she saw Stefan leaning his arms on the frame of the window, watching her with a grin._

_“What are you doing there?” she asked, closing the door of the car.  
“Waiting for you, and watching you” he said without beating around the bush._

_Caroline raised her eyebrows and nodded, trying not to smile._

_“Come up” he said, pointing at his bedroom with his head._

Caroline stared blankly at the glass of the window. But suddenly, something caught her attention. She had seen something, someone, walking around the bedroom. Him.  _Stefan_.

She looked for the door handle with a shaking hand and opened it to get out. She vamp sped to the door and thanked that Bonnie had left it half open. She grabbed the banister as she climbed the stairs with her heart beating fast. She opened the door of his bedroom, breathing hard, and with his name on the tip of her tongue.

“Stefan?” she asked in a whisper, looking around.

But there was no answer. There was no one there. No one had been there for months. The books on the shelves were covered with a thin layer of dust. The bed was intact, and the sheets had no wrinkles.

She stepped back and her back hit his desk. She had to grab the edges of the table at believing that she was hearing their laughs that day that they spent in bed. Talking, touching, undressing.

“No, no” she said in a whisper.

The sound of their laughs filled her ears and she dropped to the ground slowly, shutting her eyes, covering her ears with her hands to stop listening.

“Please, please, stop” she begged, feeling the knot in her throat and an intense feeling of pain inside of her.   
“If you don’t want them to shrink, don’t leave your clothes here!” Damon shouted in the hallway.  
“You shouldn’t have put it into the dryer, why don’t you ever read the labels?”  
“I don’t know, Bonnie! I just took all the clothes and… Blondie?”

Damon walked into Stefan’s room fast at seeing her on the floor. Bonnie followed him quickly with a worried face.

“Blondie, hey…” Damon grabbed her arms to help her stand up. Caroline stared at the ground with a defeated face.  
“Caroline…” Bonnie cupped her cheek with her hand to try to smooth her.   
“Stefan, he… He was…” she looked around. Stefan was not there. She had hallucinated it.  
“Come on, let’s go to the kitchen” Damon said as he pulled her to the door gently. “I’m sure there’ll be something you can take to calm down. Bonnie… maybe Bonnie can make something” he looked at her and Bonnie nodded.  
“No, I…” Caroline shook her head and pulled his hands away carefully. “I gotta get out of here.”  
“Sure, I’ll drive you home” Bonnie said. Caroline shook her head again.  
“I need to be alone.”

Finally, Damon and Bonnie stepped aside and Caroline left the room. Bonnie looked at Damon, who was looking toward the door with a thoughtful expression.

“I shouldn’t have brought her here” Bonnie mumbled.  
“She has to get over it” Damon said.  
“She can’t, Damon. It’s been months and… I’m worried, I think she needs help but I don’t know what to-”  
“She has to get over it, Bonnie” he repeated, looking at her this time and with hard voice. “Stefan left. Period. She has to face it.”


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?

_And I try so hard and… I’m never the one._

~~January 2017.~~

_“You live your life, you heal, and in the meantime, we’re friends” Stefan said._

_Caroline looked at him with a slight smile._

_“Sounds like a plan” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear._  
“It is” he reaffirmed.   
“But you kissed me yesterday” she said with raised eyebrows.  
“And you kissed me back” Stefan counter-attacked, mimicking the expression of her face. She rolled her eyes, smiled, and shook her head.

_Stefan smiled too, watching her in awe, and then reached her hand, took it, and led it directly to his lips. He kissed her knuckles, staring into her eyes, and Caroline thought that if she had been human, her heart would have stopped at that moment._

_“Friends” he repeated. “Until you’re ready._ _And when you are, I’ll still be here.”_

Caroline shut her eyes tightly, curling up under the sheets and burying her face in the pillow, feeling how that sensation was overwhelming her again as if it was poison running through her veins, suffocating her.

“It’s okay, it’s okay” she whispered, hugging herself and almost completely covering her body.

_I’ll still be here…_

Caroline shook her head without opening her eyes.

“You lied” she whispered, feeling a knot in her throat.

She hid her head under the sheets and everything went dark. All she heard was her own breathing. Suddenly, she heard a thunder and Caroline flinched at the roar of the clouds. Drops began to fall slowly at first but then the rain fell heavily as the wind made the tree branches hit the glass of the windows.

Caroline blenched even more, wrapping herself with her arms, and imagining that those arms were his, as every time that he used to hug her when there was a storm. Any kind of storm.

* * *

~~February 2017.~~

“And… That’s pretty much it” Caroline said, shrugging.

She was sitting on a large stone in the cemetery, facing Liz’s gravestone.

“Damon is still an idiot, he calls me once a week, but at least he doesn’t show up in the house every two days as he used to” she murmured, squinting her eyes due to the bright light of the sun. “Bonnie and Enzo are still there… thinking that everything will be okay just because they’re in love” she snorted scornfully. “And I…”

She was silent for a few seconds that seemed an eternity. It was sad, but she had nothing to say about herself. Her days consisted of sleeping, getting up, going to the office of the newspaper that she was working for, seeing Matt at the police station, and going home.

“Everything goes as it should, I guess” she mumbled, staring at Liz’s name engraved on stone. “I miss you.”

She frowned and looked away to the crypt where Elena was resting, and then looked down at her hands, watching her daylight ring. She touched the little blue stone with her fingertips thoughtfully, and wondered how much it would hurt, if it would be quick, or if…

She looked up quickly when she saw a shadow slipping fast through the trees . That speed was not typical for any human.

“Damon, if that’s you and…”

The moving shadow caused a gust of wind, but this time behind her. Maybe she was imagining it. Or maybe peace had not lasted long after the departure of the heretics and a new danger threatened them.

She rose and walked among the trees, looking around carefully so that she would not miss anything. She pushed the branch of a tree away and then bumped into a girl, who got startled and put a hand against her chest after letting out a scream.

“Oh my God! You scared me” she said, gasping for breath.  
“What are you doing here alone?” Caroline asked her, examining her with her eyes. She would be about 16, and she was wearing glasses, and had a backpack hanging on her shoulder and a book in hand.   
“Oh, it’s because of the gymkhana of high school” she explained. “It’s about…”

But Caroline knew what it was. She also participated when she was in high school, and she used to organize it the last three years. The girl, apparently very talkative by the way, went on to explain in detail what it was but her voice became a whisper to her, a whisper to which she was not paying much attention. Her attention, however, was focused on the book that she had in her hand. The title?  _Norwegian Blues_. One of his books.

 _“Are you reading that again?” Caroline asked, looking at him with only one eye open. She had just woken up and Stefan had_ Norwegian Blues _back in his hands._  
_“Mm, no?” Stefan asked quizzically, and turned a page. Caroline leaned on her elbow and stared at him. She liked watching him read._  
_“What does it have for you to have read it so many times?” she asked. Stefan shrugged._  
_“I don’t know… The narrative is good, and there are so many quotes to highlight” he explained._  
_“Well, then…” Caroline dropped her head on the pillow and placed a hand on his wrist. “Read me one that reminds you of me” she said with a wide smile._

_Stefan looked away from the book to look at her and realized that that smile could light up the whole world if she wanted to. Always positive, cheerful. Always Caroline._

_“Um, okay, let me see…” Stefan frowned as he looked among letters and paragraphs until he found a sentence. “‘I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?’.”_  
_“Stefan, I said one that reminds you of me, not the other way round!” she folded her arms._  
_“This one reminds me of you, Caroline” Stefan put the book on the bed to unfold her arms. “Because if you don’t remember me, then what am I?”_

_She looked into his eyes and Stefan smiled sweetly, bringing his face close to hers until he brushed her lips. Caroline put her hand on his neck and her lips parted with a sigh.  Stefan, the eternal romantic._

_“So” he said after breaking the kiss. “Will you remember me or not?”  
“I doubt I’d be able to forget you” she said with another sigh, staring at his deep green eyes._

_Those words terrified and, at the same time, excited her. She could not imagine her life without him._

And yet, she had to. Because he was not there with her anymore.

“What you got there?” she asked, pointing at the book and staring at it.  
“Oh, this?  _Norwegian Blues_ , I always carry it with me. It’s a very good book and…”

Caroline clenched her fists slowly, looking at the cover, remembering the book on Stefan’s nightstand, or on his bed, or on his shelf. Remembering the month in which he gave it to her after highlighting the quotes that reminded him of her.

A strange rage began to consume her, and overwhelm her. Because it was as if, from wherever he was, he was laughing at her. At their moments. At their laughs. At every promise.

She looked up and noticed the pulsing vein in the neck of the teenager who could not stop talking. She listened intently to her pulse, to her heartbeat, so calm as if nothing could ever happen to her, as if she did not have in front of her a predator that could rip her neck in the blink of an eye.

She started to feel thirsty, to notice the feeling of wanting to shut it down, to cover the pain with bloodlust. She did not realize when she stepped to the girl, she just did it, and judging by her face of fear, Caroline’s eyes should have darkened.

“What…? What’s wrong with your face?” the girl asked with fear in her eyes.

Caroline grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

“Do not move” she whispered.

The girl stood still and Caroline felt how her own veins were shouting, urging her to bite. Only once, just to erase the pain, to cover it for a few seconds. She licked her lip and approached her neck slowly, closing her eyes. But suddenly she remembered the remorse, the guilt, the deaths, Liz.

She threw her head back and opened her eyes wide, breathing hard.

“Go away” she said quickly.

The girl stepped backwards and then started to run. Caroline could only hear how her heartbeats were faster and faster at every step.

“Don’t do it, don’t do it” she murmured to herself. But then, helplessly, her feet moved quickly towards the girl, who looked back, terrified, watching Caroline approach.

_Just let go, I promise it’ll feel good._

“Shut up” she said.

Caroline clung to a tree.

“Run!” she said to the girl.

The girl picked up the speed and this time did not look back. Caroline dropped slowly to the ground, her back against a tree. She pulled out the phone with shaking hands and looked for Bonnie’s number. But when she saw the picture of her friend on the screen, she instantly regretted it. What would the brunnete say about her? What would she say about her almost-slip after all the damage that she had caused a couple of years ago when she had turned her humanity off?

She scrolled down in the contact list until she found him. She put the phone against her ear, still shaking and about to start crying.

“Damon, I need, help.”

* * *

~~March 2017.~~

Caroline looked at the inside of the box with nostalgia. She was packing so many happy memories and moments that she wondered if she would have any one left after that.

Her first idea was to leave, but Bonnie and, surprisingly, Damon, had refused flatly. Her friend had repeated a thousand times that she could not leave her there, that she would miss her. But deep down, Caroline knew that, in fact, Bonnie did not want to lose her tracks.

 _“And we don’t know all the dangers that may be around. And, let’s be honest, blondie, considering your change of mood and your character, you’d attract all the problems.”_  
_“I can take care of myself” she said._  
 _“Caroline, this is your home” Bonnie reminded her._

Was it? That was one of the things that they did not understand. Liz and Stefan were gone. She could not call Mystic Falls  _home_  anymore.

However, Bonnie kept insisting and insisting nonstop, until she persuaded her to stay. But Caroline knew that she needed help. It was something that, after months of denial, she had already begun to accept. And if she wanted to come out of that hole, she had to start doing something.

And that something was getting rid of everything that reminded her of him. Because there was not any vampire who could make her forget him as Alaric did with Elena. And, actually, she did not know if she wanted to do that. She had got used to the pain so much that, in part, she did not want to get rid of it completely. Stefan was gone, and the pain had occupied the space that he had left.

But she knew that she had to, at least, pretend in front of the others. She was tired of the furtive glances from Damon or of the worried ones from Bonnie. She knew what they thought of her. She knew that they thought that she was losing her mind. And the truth is that perhaps they were right.

She grabbed the helmet that Stefan had bought for her and stared at it for a moment, thinking about the few times that she had actually put it on.

_“It’s not my birthday” Caroline said with the gift in her hands.  
“Can’t a guy give a friend a gift even if it’s not their birthday?” Stefan asked._

_She looked up from the gift to look at him, containing the urge to roll her eyes and to smile. Stefan repeated the word ‘friend’ and ‘friendship’ so many times that she was sure that if he did so, it was because he had to remind himself that he had to keep control._

_Although she should remember that as well, because she could not stop thinking about how good he looked with that white t-shirt and those tight jeans._

_“I don’t know, Stefan, the truth is that I’m scared of opening your gifts after Secret Santa” she mockingly said. Stefan narrowed his eyes, watching her. She bit the inside of her cheek and shrugged, trying not to laugh.  
“Open it and shut up” he said._

_Caroline unwrapped the gift and opened the box to take a bike helmet._

_“Mm, thanks?” she said, a little confused. “But I don’t drive any bike.”  
“But I do. I came with it. I was wondering if… you wanted to have a ride, with me.”_

_Caroline looked at him and could feel his nervousness. Adorable. She bit her lip, smiling, and looked at the helmet._

_“But, where’s yours? Or you don’t want to mess your hair after hours and hours of doing it?” she asked innocently. Stefan looked at her with narrowed eyes again and stepped toward her._  
_“Stop” he touched her stomach with his finger, tickling her “being…”_  
 _“Stefan!” Caroline said, trying to pull him away. But it was impossible, and her back hit the wall._  
 _“… so annoying and put the damn helmet on, Caroline.”_

_She pushed her hand away, laughing, and when she looked into his eyes, she realized how close he was. Dangerously close._

_“So…” Stefan tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and Caroline swallowed. “Are you coming?”_

_She nodded. Because she would never say no to him._

She grabbed an edge of the box hard and closed her eyes, remembering the feel of the wind messing with her hair as she wrapped his waist with her arms; remembering how, after the ride, he showed her each one of the levers, placing his hands on hers, furtively looking into her eyes.

She felt that empty feeling in the stomach and wondered if it was possible for a vampire to die of sadness. She looked over her shoulder briefly and saw that Damon was watching her carefully. She looked forward and stopped grabbing the box, swallowing, and ready to pretend a good appearance.

She put the helmet inside of the box and blinked several times to contain the tears.

“Caroline, uh…” Bonnie approached her with a frame that had a photo of Stefan and Caroline newly awakened, smiling. Damon turned to the other shelf to let them have a private moment. “What should I do with this?”

She grabbed the picture and looked at it with such expression on her face that Bonnie feared that she would break down right there as she did in his bedroom some months ago. She looked at her friend cautiously, waiting for a reaction.

“I’ll take care of it” she said with weak voice. Bonnie nodded and Caroline left the frame in the box. “I’ll bring more boxes.”

Which actually meant ‘I need some air’. Bonnie followed Caroline with her eyes as she left the room. She walked towards Damon and sighed.  
  
“I guess it’s for the best” she said. Damon looked at one picture of Stefan that Caroline had on one of her shelfs.  
“I’m not so sure” he mumbled.  
“You said that it was better for her to move on and accept it, remember?” Bonnie rolled her eyes. Damon frowned and glanced at the boxes.  
“I know what I said, but…”

Bonnie raised her eyebrows, looking at him with a questioning face. She folded her arms.

“But what, Damon?”  
“I guess that I got used to their annoying cuteness” he finally said.

Damon put Stefan’s picture in the box and looked at the one with him and Caroline smiling.

“I’ll make something to eat. You want something?” Bonnie asked, heading to the door. Damon shook his head.

He simply looked at the photograph.

* * *

Caroline heard his footsteps behind her. He sat beside her on the porch and handed her the bottle of bourbon.

“You should hide your bourbon better” he said. Caroline took the bottle and took a sip.  
“Yes, I should.”

They stood in silence, watching the citizens of Mystic Falls walking, cycling, chatting with smiles on their faces as if nothing was wrong. Caroline did not want to be selfish, but she wanted for them to understand that it was not so easy, and that happiness could collapse in the blink of an eye.

“Caroline?”  
“Hm?”  
“Do you hate him?”

She stared at the bottle of bourbon intently.

_Caroline opened her eyes at hearing the pounding on the door. She blinked several times and groaned in protest. What time was it? She looked at the screen of her phone: 8.30am._

_She put on her sneakers and looked around, seeing the mess. Not only in the room, but also on her face._

_She had been crying all night after the last fight with Stefan, no more than 10 hours ago. The fights had become usual, and they were the result of her attempts to help him and understand what was happening._

_He had been distant for several days, and she could not understand why. Every time she tried to ask him, he changed the subject and got serious._ _More serious._

_She walked towards the door, rubbing her eyes. She felt them red and her eyelids heavy. And the worst? She was wearing one his sweatshirts. Could she be more pathetic? Could it get worse?_

_When she opened the door, she was surprised to see him standing there. Stefan looked askance at his sweatshirt and finally their eyes met. Caroline swallowed, wondering why the hell she had not asked who it was before opening the door. Stefan was watching the worst of her states. And she would have been sure that he would be the one to hold her and comfort her other times. But… she was no longer sure of anything._

_She confirmed it when Stefan did not approach her, but lowered his gaze guiltily._

_“Why didn’t you use your key?” she asked him, breaking the awkward silence.  
“Uh… That’s what I wanted to talk about” he said. He looked up and Caroline realized that he was acting like when Damon had ‘died’. She could see the façade, the attempts to maintain composure, to not let her in._

_Stefan pulled his key out of his pocket and handed it to Caroline. She took it, confused._

_“I think it’s better you have it” he said. Caroline looked into his eyes, uncomprehending.  
“What are you talking about, Stefan?”_

_He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Caroline looked over his shoulder and saw Malcolm in the distance._ _And beside him, Valerie._

_“Stefan?” Caroline asked in a whisper. He did not answer, and she stepped toward him to cupped his cheek with her hand. “Don’t push me away, please.”_

_Stefan gulped and looked away in order to avoid having to meet her imploring eyes._

_“Please, Stefan” she begged, now grabbing the collar of his jacket tightly. He was leaving, she could feel it. “Whatever it is… I’m sure we can-”_

_Stefan shook his head._

_“No, we can’t.”_  
_“Stefan, listen” she grabbed both sides of his face to make him look at her. He remained impassive, even if he was looking into her eyes. And seeing that made something inside her break. “If they… If this is some noble act to save someone, Damon or-”_  
 _“Caroline” Stefan pulled her hands away from his face and shook his head again. “It’s not… It’s not that. Lily was right. I…” he glanced at Malcolm and Valerie, who were waiting for him. Malcolm seemed to be bored, but he was watching Caroline carefully. And Valerie had a smile on her face. “This isn’t my home anymore.”_  
 _“What?”_  
 _“I’m leaving with them, with Lily. She’s my mother, she… There are many things of my past that she can explain to me, some things that happened. She says that if I go with her, she’ll tell me things I don’t know and…”_  
 _“And you believe her?”_  
 _“Yes.”_

 _She looked at him, shocked._  
  
_“Well, okay, you want to go with them. I’ll go with you.”_  
 _“Caroline…” he looked away again. “You can’t come.”_  
 _“I’ll be fine, okay? I’ll behave if it’s necessary, I’ll try to-”_  
 _“Caroline, I don’t want you to come with me.”_

 _She closed her mouth, starting to feel something terrible inside of her._ _No… She was sure that he had not said that._

_“It was good, and I thought that maybe… But I’m not even sure if I can feel for you what you feel for me.”_

_His words seemed distant, like an echo. And she could hear the beating of her own heart in her ears._

_“No, I… I don’t believe you” she whispered. Stefan clenched his jaw and snorted, shaking his head._  
_“Caroline…”_  
 _“I don’t believe it, Stefan” she took a step toward him. “You want me to hate you, right? You want me to-”_  
 _“Whether you hate me or not” he said, “it won’t change the fact that I’m leaving.”_

_Valerie cleared her throat in the distance and Caroline glanced at her._

_“Is this…This is because you two were together when you were young?”_

_Stefan looked at her in silence for a few seconds and Caroline wished she had not asked. What if it was about that? She would not be able to bear it, she could not stand the image of him with someone else. And she did not care about being selfish._  
  
_“I’m not thinking about any of that now” he said. “I’m not discarding anything, but right now… It has nothing to do with it.”_

_‘Right now’. Did that mean that perhaps in the future he would think about it?_

_“Stefan…” Caroline took another step. Part of her said that everything was a lie. Surely, Lily had threatened him and he was doing what she had asked him to do. “Please, just talk to me.  Don’t do this, I…”_

_Caroline stroked his neck, Valerie cleared her throat loudly and Stefan tensed, moving slightly away from her._

_“I’m sorry” he looked at her hand and then at her eyes. Caroline thought that she had seen something in his own, sadness, pain, anger. But she was probably wrong. Because she did not know if she knew him as much as she had thought. “Take care, please.”_

_He looked at her one last time before turning around and walking toward Malcolm and Valerie. Caroline watched his back, unable to move. Her feet were telling him to run after him, but something inside her said that if she did, she would be the one losing._

_“Stefan” she said with flickering voice. Stefan kept walking without looking back._

_Malcolm rolled his eyes and followed Stefan._

_“Stefan!” she shouted, now angrier, with her fist clenched. The key still in her hand._

_For a brief second, she thought that Stefan seemed to hesitate, wondering whether to stop and turn around or not do it, but he kept walking. Caroline swallowed and grabbed the door frame, breathing hard. Valerie gave her a wide smile and finally turned to follow Stefan and Malcolm._

_Caroline stood still until she could not see him anymore. He was gone. She covered her mouth with her hand and closed her eyes tightly, trying to control the emotions that were threatening to come out._

_It had to be a nightmare._

_She turned around and leaned her back against the wall as she dropped to the ground, trying to get calm and breath easy._

I promise you I will not let anything happen to you.

_She looked blankly around, still with the door open, waiting for him to come back._

Caroline shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“No, I… I can’t” she said. “I tried” she rolled her eyes and let out a weak laugh. “I still try. Because if was able to hate him, everything would be easier. But I can’t.”

Caroline looked away, blinking several times. She did not want to cry in front of anyone, especially not in front of Damon. He nodded.

“What…? What did he tell you before he left, Damon?” she asked him, scared of the answer.

Damon looked around, trying to choose the right words.

“The same thing that he told you, I guess” he said. Caroline shook her head.  
“I doubt that.”

Damon glanced at her and saw the wince of pain on her face.

“He told me that he needed to start again and give her a try… Lily.”  
“Why did you let him go?” she said with a hint of anger and frustration in her voice. Caroline did not want to fight again, not after he had offered to help at home, but she could not help feeling resentment against him.  
“Because he didn’t let me stop him” Damon hissed.

Caroline nodded with a hard face, rose, and went back into the house, slamming the door behind her. Damon did not even flinch, he had got used to it.

That night, as Caroline was trying to sleep as every day, her hand brushed something under the pillow. Someone had pulled out their picture of the frame and put it there.

Caroline watched their faces for a moment and her eyes started to fill with tears. She thought that she would be able to hold them as she usually did, but she gave up when the first one began to fall slowly down her cheek. Her lower lip trembled and she pulled the picture closer to her chest, feeling as if something inside of her was dying. Maybe her heart.

For the first time in a while, she thanked Damon’s gesture. Maybe, deep down, he understood her more than she thought.


	3. III

~~June 2017.~~

_Stefan walked into the kitchen with a worried face, looking around after hearing Caroline’s scream. He found her kneeling on the ground, and she seemed to be controlling herself not to cry, or maybe not to have one of her psychotic breakdowns._

_“What’s wrong?” he asked her. Caroline shook her head, pouting. “Caroline?”_

_Stefan crouched beside her and tucked the hair that was covering her face behind her ear._ _She looked sad._

_“Hey…” Stefan stroked her cheek with his thumb and Caroline winced. “Caroline, are you going to tell me what is happening or…?”_

_Caroline pointed at the biscuit beside her on the floor. Stefan looked at it with a frown, not understanding._

_“It was the last cookie, and it fell to the ground” Caroline explained. Stefan looked at her blankly, not knowing if she was kidding or not._  
_“Mm” he managed to mumble._  
 _“What am I going to do now?” she wondered. Stefan could not help but curve his lips into a smile. That was too much. He tried to turn his face slightly so that Caroline would not realize that he was laughing, but he was not so lucky. She glared at him and Stefan pursed his lips._  
 _“Come here…” Stefan tried to hug her, but Caroline gave him a shove on the shoulder and he fell to the ground, laughing._

Caroline glanced at the pot containing the cookie, in the corner of the kitchen counter, as Bonnie talked and talked nonstop. She did not know why she had not thrown it away, it was a simple and stupid cookie. But Stefan was the one who had bought them when she told him that she wanted biscuits for breakfast. And that complicated things.

She looked at the calendar and realized that she had not turned a single page since June 2016, and she had not bought one for 2017. She stared at the edge of the table intently and frowned, realizing how little things had improved.

“I’m leaving” she suddenly said.

Bonnie, who had been talking, shut her mouth and looked at Caroline, confused.

“What?” the brunette asked.  
“I’m leaving, Bonnie” Caroline looked into her eyes with some regret. She knew that she had told Bonnie that she would stay, but she could not. She could not keep pretending that Mystic Falls was her home and, most importantly, she could not keep waiting for him to come back.  
“You’re leaving?” Bonnie asked, laughing. “We’re in your house, Caroline.”  
“No, Bonnie… I’m leaving Mystic Falls” she said, biting her lower lip. “I… I can’t stay here anymore, I’ve tried, really, but…”

Caroline looked down, felling her friend’s eyes fixed on her.

“Everything reminds me of him. And I hate it, but I can’t stop it. When I wake up, if I’ve been able to sleep, I turned instinctively to his side of the bed, smiling, and then I open my eyes and realize that he isn’t there. When I walk down the street, I turn my head back because I hear him speak. Sometimes I think that if I sit on the porch and have patience, he’ll appear at the end of the street to come back, to come back to me.”

Bonnie looked at her, not knowing what to say. Caroline laughed dismissively.

“Do you remember when I told you that Elena took something to hallucinate Damon, when you two were gone? This is worse, Bonnie. I don’t even need to take anything to hallucinate him, sometimes I hear him, he talks to me, I hear his laugh like an echo that has stayed home. And that…” Caroline led her shaking hand to her mouth. “That’s the worst thing, I’m going crazy. And I know that you think so as well. And I’m not even sure that I can deny it, because I think it’s true.”  
“Caroline…”  
“No, Bonnie, I don’t want more looks of compassion or for you to pity me. I was about to rip off the neck of a girl just because she had one of favorite Stefan’s books in her hands. I… I felt jealousy because she had that book and I did not. I should have that book in my hands, I should walk around with it because it reminded him of me!”

Bonnie stared at her, half surprised, half scared. Caroline bit her lower lip and closed her eyes tightly to try to stop the tears, but it was impossible, they started to fall down her cheeks. Bonnie stood up, a little hesitant, and walked toward her to hug her. Caroline let out a soft groan and began to cry as she had not done in a while.

* * *

“No way!”  
“I’m not going to discuss this with you, Damon.”

Caroline folded a shirt and put it in the suitcase, which was open on her bed. Damon looked at it with a grimace from the door.

“Are you crazy? What are you going to do out there by yourself?” he asked.

Caroline took a deep breath with her eyes closed and then let it out, opening them to look at him.

“Keep doing what I’ve done so far?” she said.  
“Exactly! Why don’t keep doing that in Mystic Falls?”  
“Because… Damon, look, I’m not going to talk about what I feel with you” Caroline closed the suitcase. “I think you don’t need me to explain why I can’t stay here.”

Damon looked around. It did not seem Caroline’s room with everything packed in boxes and suitcases.

“And where are you going to stay?” Damon asked, sitting on the bed and dropping his arm over the suitcase so Caroline could not grab it. She crossed her arms and glared at him.  
“New York” she said. “There’s an office of the newspaper there, and I could use a change.”  
“In a city with thousands of people knowing that, sometimes, you get psychotic bloodlust attacks?”  
“That happened only once, and you don’t have to remind me of that all the time, Damon” Caroline grabbed the suitcase, Damon did it too to try to snatch it from her hands, but she finally took it. “What’s wrong with you?!”  
“Are you going to leave Bonnie alone? Such a great friend” Damon raised his eyebrows.  
“Bonnie has Enzo, Matt, and, surprisingly, you” she reminded him. “And I explained to her and she gets it, okay? Stop trying to blackmail me emotionally.”  
“Well, okay, Matt, are you going to leave him alone, here?”  
“Damon, get to the point. Why don’t you want me to leave?”

Damon looked at Caroline for a few seconds and then at the pillow. He reached under it and took the picture.

“Well, well, look what we got here…” Damon stood and Caroline looked at him with some fear in her eyes. “You want to forget him so much, but it looks like you’re not doing anything to do so, huh?”  
“What’s your problem?”  
“What will happen if you leave and he comes back, huh? What-”

Damon could not finish the sentence, since Caroline had punched him in the face. Damon pursed his lips.

“Don’t” she said, breathing hard. “Don’t even say his name. Don’t…” Caroline shook her head. “Keep the damn photo, I don’t want it anymore.”

Caroline grabbed the suitcase and turned around to leave the room. Damon looked at the picture.  _Stefan_. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out his phone quickly.

“Answer the damn phone” he muttered after placing it against his ear.

But Stefan did not answer.

* * *

_Caroline opened the door carefully and peeked out. She smiled at seeing him sleeping face down, finally with a calm and relaxed appearance, without any concern or problem to solve. She closed the door and tiptoed to his bed._

_She removed his shoes and got under the sheets. She lay on top of him and buried her face in his neck, smiling against his skin._

_“Mm” Stefan shifted slightly and smiled at feeling Caroline lying on his back, but he did not open his eyes. She pressed her lips against his neck. “Finally” he mumbled. “You’re late. Should I start getting jealous of Bonnie?”_

_Caroline laughed against his neck._

_“Stefan, it’s only been a girl’s night. I told you I’d come early, and it’s 7 in the morning, and you say that I’m late?”  
“You shouldn’t have left yesterday” Stefan turned around carefully so Caroline would not fall. “You should have stayed…” he stroked her chin with his thumb and she smiled, shaking her head. “To celebrate that I have the house back and-”_

_Caroline pressed her lips against his and Stefan smiled, putting his hands under her shit to stroke her back._

_“Happy?”  
“No, not yet” he said, amused._

_He leaned and kissed her again, standing straight to put his arms around her waist._

_“Wait” she pulled him away gently and sighed._  
_“What?” he asked, watching her lips. “Hey, you’re wearing my shirt, the one that you took without asking me, little thief.”_  
 _“Lily must be mad” she said, ignoring him. “Do you think she’ll retaliate? Don’t you think we should-”_  
 _“I think stop talking is a good idea” Stefan kissed her neck and Caroline laughed._  
 _“Stefan, this is serious…”_

_Stefan threw his head back and cupped her cheeks with his hands, looking at her with a soft smile._

_“Caroline, I don’t want to talk about Lily and her crazy family, I want to kiss you. And take off your clothes.”_

_She felt a tingling in her stomach at hearing his words. She grabbed Stefan’s face and kissed him intensely. He tangled his fingers in her hair, stroking her curls._

_“Is Damon at home?” she asked against his lips._  
_“Not yet, he’s at Ric’s” he replied, starting to pull up her shirt._  
 _“Good.”_

Caroline pulled the shirt out of the bag carefully, as if it could break in her hands. She stared at it for a few seconds and finally buried her face in it, breathing in his scent, his essence. It smelled like Stefan. It smelled like home.

It smelled like everything that she missed.

She looked toward the fireplace of her room with the fire burning and squeezed the shirt with her fingers tightly.

“Do it, Caroline, just do it” she told herself, walking towards the fireplace. “It’s just a shirt.”

She looked intently at the flames and then closed her eyes, remembering all the moments that they had spent together besides a fire burning. Every secret, every kiss, every laugh.

The heat of the fire also reminded her of him.

She sat on her knees and began to control her breathing as she had been learning in order not to suffer another panic attack. She looked at the wrinkled shirt in her hands and squeezed it against her chest.

“I miss you, I miss you so much…” she whispered, her voice shaking.

* * *

~~September 2017.~~

“Yes?”

The receptionist opened the door of Caroline’s office and peeked out.

“Caroline? Someone has brought you flowers.”

Caroline looked up from the laptop and frowned, as if she was speaking another language.

“What?”   
“They’re in reception. Should I bring them? Your name is on them.”

Caroline felt how her heart started to race. She stood up nervously.

“Yes, bring them” she said. “Wait! What… What kind of flowers are they?”  
“I don’t know, they’re wrapped, like a gift.”  
“Okay, yes… Uh… Bring them.”

_Caroline came home and dropped the bag on the floor. Then she noticed the smell coming from the kitchen and the bouquet of flowers on the table of the living room, fully wrapped like a gift._

_She walked toward it with a wide smile, already knowing what it was. It was not the first time he did it, it would not be the last._

_Caroline began to unwrap it until some orchids began to appear. She took the bouquet and placed it in the vase. Suddenly, she felt Stefan’s arms around her waist from behind and she closed her eyes, caressing his hands._

_“You always remember” she said, feeling his lips on her neck.  
_ _“Always.”_

The receptionist returned with the bouquet and placed it on Caroline’s desk.

“Thank you” Caroline said, breathing hard. “Would you mind…?” the receptionist shook her head and headed to the door. “Thanks.”

Caroline stared nervously at the bouquet wrapped.

“Okay… Relax, Caroline, just…” she started to unwrap it with a small smile of hope on her lips.

A smile that disappeared as soon as her fingers brushed the petals of a daisy. Because, of course, they were not orchids.

* * *

~~October 2017.~~

Damon opened his eyes and tried to get them used to the darkness of the night. He listened carefully and then his lips curved into a smile. He knew that it would happen sooner or later.

When he opened the door of Stefan’s room, his suspicions were confirmed.

“Well, well. Look who is back” Damon said.

Stefan did not turn around to look at him, he just placed a box on his desk.

“I see that you haven’t thought about cleaning my room” he murmured, opening one of the boxes.  
“I don’t know, I thought that maybe you would, considering your secret trips back to Mystic Falls. Like, you know, that day when Caroline saw you through the window or when you were stalking her in the forest like a crazy man.”  
“Shut up.”

Stefan took a couple of journals and put them in a drawer.

“What do you have there?” Damon asked, folding his arms. “You know what? I don’t care. I hope you’re back to explain why you don’t answer my calls.”

Stefan turned around and Damon saw his tired face.

“Didn’t I tell you that I’d be the one that would get in touch with you as I’ve done before? Lily saw your call, they broke my phone.”  
“And are you going to explain me why you let them boss you about like that?”  
“How is her?” he asked, turning back to the desk.

Damon frowned, and then realized that Stefan did not know that Caroline was not in Mystic Falls anymore.

“It’s what I tried to tell you, that’s why I called” Damon said, scratching his chin. “Let’s say that… I couldn’t hold her prisoner any longer.”

Stefan turned to him quickly and frowned, looking intently at him.

“What?”  
“Look, I tried!, okay? But she was determined and left, I wasn’t able to stop her. And your little blonde ended up giving me a punch in my beautiful face.”  
“Damon, I asked you one favor, one!”  
“You of all people should know how stubborn she is. I don’t know how many times she has called me a dick in the last year and…”

Damon’s back hit the wall when Stefan pushed him against it, hands on his neck.

“Where is she?”  
“New York!” Damon said, pushing Stefan away, who put his hands on his hips and shook his head, his jaw clenched.  
“You were supposed to take care of her, to watch her, to make sure that-”  
“Shut up, that was your job, not mine. And, look, it’s not that blondie and I are best friends, but after seeing your stupid behavior, I think she and I deserve an explanation of what the hell happened to you for leaving behind the only thing that has made you happy” Damon pulled out the photo of Stefan and Caroline of his pocket and threw it toward Stefan’s chest.

He took it and watched them, smiling in the picture. He swallowed and Damon was able to see a strange sparkle in his eyes.

“Stefan, hey… Tell me what the hell happened, we can fix it. Did they threaten you? It’s okay, we’ll kill them. And I’m sure Caroline will forgive you, that nutcase is still crazy for you.”  
“No.”

Damon closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing his forehead as he walked toward this desk.

“No what?”  
“Go find Caroline and bring her back” he said, dropping the picture on the desk. “If one of them finds out that Caroline is wandering, traveling… They’ll think she’s trying to find me, and she’d be in danger.”

Stefan headed to the door, but he stopped when Damon called him.

“What’s this?” he asked, picking up one of the journals. Stefan turned to him and looked at him suspiciously. “Are you writing again?”  
“Leave that where it was. I gotta go or they’ll suspect. And do me a favor, keep them stored here, can you at least do that?”  
“ _Dear diary: that day, Caroline…_ ”  
“Damon, stop” Stefan snatched the journal from his hands and put it in the drawer, but Damon took another and opened it.  
“ _Caroline helped me control the bloodlust, she said…_ ”  
“Damon, I said stop” Stefan grabbed the second journal, put it in the drawer and closed it with a slam. “Don’t read them, don’t open the boxes, and don’t take them out, okay?”

Damon looked at his brother blankly.

“Why are you writing now about things that happened years ago?” he asked him.  
“You know that I like to remember things” Stefan said. “Go look for Caroline as soon as you can, okay?”

Stefan headed again to the door, but now he was the one who was pushed against the wall. Damon had grabbed the collar of his shirt.

“What’s going on? I won’t ask again, Stefan.”  
“Nothing.”  
“Don’t make me laugh. You wouldn’t have left Caroline for the world. So something important must have happened. What?! Have they threatened to hurt her, kill her? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!”

Stefan pushed Damon away and looked at him, breathing hard.

“It doesn’t matter what happened. She has to move on and forget me, and be sure that I will never come back.”

Damon nodded, looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“I never thought I’d be the one to say this, but you’re being a dick. Caroline…”  
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up, Damon. Do you want to know why I left? Do you want to know why I can’t back?”

Stefan walked beside him, pushing him on the arm, and headed back to the desk. He took a journal of the box and showed it to Damon.

“You see this? Do you want to know why I write every second that I’ve shared with Caroline? Yes, they threatened to kill her when we got the house back and when you came up with the brilliant idea of killing another of them, Beau. They told me to choose between joining them or seeing how they would kill Caroline.”

Damon looked away.

“And I…” Stefan pursed his lips and looked at the photo. “I wanted to confront them, but I could not. When Valerie…”  
“The crazy one?”  
“… realized that I was fighting back for Caroline, she decided to… take revenge.”

Stefan took the photograph and looked at Caroline. Damon noticed that his brother was trying hard to keep his composure.

“And…?”  
“They did it before Lily came. They tied me, they tortured me and… they cast some spells and… once they finished, Valerie explained what they’d done to me.”

Damon looked at him with interested, but knowing that whatever it was, it would be horrible.

“I’m forgetting her, Damon.  _Caroline_. I’m cursed, a spell is making me forget her a little every day until I don’t remember her anymore. It’s their punishment.”

Stefan looked down to the floor with watery eyes and Damon looked at him, unable to speak.

“I’m forgetting every single moment that I’ve had with her, and there will come a day when I won’t remember anything. I… I won’t remember her, Damon.”

Damon glanced at the picture and then at the boxes and the journals. That was why Stefan was writing again. He was writing every moment that he had spent with Caroline in order to read their memories once he would not remember her anymore.

“Did you really think I’d leave her like that?” he asked, laughing dismissively. He ran a hand over his face to try to calm down. Damon did not know what to say. “I couldn’t be selfish, I couldn’t be with her knowing that one day she’d have to carry with a person that doesn’t remember her.”  
“Stefan…”  
“I know, I know her better than anyone. I know what she would have said. I know that she wouldn’t have cared. But what kind of person would I be if I let her bear with someone like me, someone who won’t remember her? Dammit!”

Stefan punched the wall, breathing heavily. Damon grabbed his arm and made him turn to him.

“You know why I come here and stalk her? Because I can’t be selfish, but I want to! I want to be selfish and be with her.”  
“You have to tell her. You can’t keep letting her think that…”

Stefan shook his head.

“She doesn’t deserve this, not after everything that she…”  
“Stefan, there must be some way. I’ll kill them if it’s necessary” Damon took him by the shoulders and Stefan swallowed, looking away.  
“There isn’t, okay? Their powers… are something I’ve never seen.”  
“Why are you still with them though? Why don’t you stay here and try to find a solution? Bonnie…”  
“Why do you think, Damon?”

Stefan looked into his eyes.

“Being away from her won’t change anything, Stefan” Damon rolled his eyes.  
“Caroline has to hate me, Damon. And the only way is that she’s sure I left because I wanted to. Promise me, Damon, promise me you’re going to find her and bring her back.”

Damon sighed.

“Damon” Stefan said. “You can’t tell her about this, do you understand?”

Damon looked at the picture again and nodded.

* * *

~~Novemeber 2017.~~

 

> Dear Elena,
> 
> things start to get better. I’m learning how to control myself, and I guess Daniel’s presence makes it easier… He’s a good friend, I guess, but he doesn’t realize that I’m not interested in starting something with anyone. He’ll never be him, no one will…

Caroline sighed and looked away toward the bouquet of daises on the coffee table. The doorbell rang and she jumped. She hid her journal under the cushion and walked toward the door.

“Surprise, blondie! Did you miss me?” Damon smiled widely and Caroline rolled her eyes.  
“What are you doing here, Damon?”  
“I’m here to bring you home.”  
“Damon…”  
“ _Home_ , Caroline” he emphasized, pulling out the photo of Stefan and her to show it to her.

Caroline frowned, looking at the picture. She looked up at him, wondering if he meant what she was thinking. And Damon, of course, nodded.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because it’s you. You are you. Tell me that you haven’t forgotten me.

~~November 2017.~~

Caroline glanced at him with her back against the kitchen counter as Damon poured himself a glass of bourbon as if he was at home.

“I don’t have the whole day, Damon.”

Damon faked a mile and headed to the living room. Caroline followed him with her arms folded, trying not to lose patience.

“Nice apartment” he said, flopping onto the couch.  
“Damon…”  
“What the hell is…?” Damon leaned forward and took the note that was attacked to the branch of daisies. “ _Thanks for the dinner, it’s always a pleasure. Daniel_ ” he read. “What the hell is this and who the hell is Daniel? Are you dating someone?”  
“He’s a friend. Turns out that a vampire is working for the same newspaper than me.”  
“Mm, just a friend? Because I remind you that you’re still super into my brother, blondie.”

Caroline snatched the note from his hands and placed it on the furniture.

“What do you want?” she asked, staring at him.  
“Turns out” he said, repeating her gesture “that I lied.”

Damon looked at her with raised eyebrows and Caroline pursed her lips.

“Remember when I told you that Stefan had told me thing he told you and blah blah blah? Remember I told you that I knew nothing about his whereabouts? I kept in touch with him and also… I know the reason why he really… left” Damon closed his eyes, waiting for her reaction. Maybe a push, another punch, or a broken neck this time. When he did not get any of the three, he opened an eye and saw that Caroline seemed frozen, looking blankly at the ground. “Yes, he actually asked me to take care of you” he continued. “But he didn’t leave for the reasons that you think.”

Damon’s voice and words were like a distant echo to her.

“Honestly, blondie, how could you be so dumb to think that my brother didn’t want to be with you? In what world?”

Caroline finally looked up to meet his eyes. Her face was harsh.

“He had to choose, okay? It was joining them or seeing how they killed you. And we know how much Stefan likes to show off his hero hair.”

Damon took a sip of his drink.

“And, actually, I’m bored of being alone in the house, so… What do you say if…” Damon rose and took his phone to look for Stefan’s number “you call him and convince him to come back? He can’t say no to you” Damon handed the phone to her but Caroline did not take it. She stared at the screen with his Stefan’s name and number. “Blondie?”

Caroline turned to the window and ran a hand across her forehead. Her heart was beating fast due to the nerves and she felt as if her world was falling apart.

“Leave, please” she said.  
“What? But…”  
“Damon…” Caroline turned to look at him. “You… You can’t do this. You can’t come and tell me that you’ve been lying to me for a year. You can’t come now and say that Stefan lied and didn’t want to tell me the truth and…”  
“You were in danger, Caroline, and-”  
“I don’t care, Damon” she stared into his eyes and Damon was surprised to see that she was not angry. “I know that it may sound selfish, but he shouldn’t have… left me like that, he should have trusted me. I… I’ve been going crazy thinking it was my fault, thinking I wasn’t enough for him” she covered her face with her hands and Damon looked away, somewhat uncomfortable, since he did not know what to do. “It’s been months of torture, of…”  
“But you had him wrapped around your little finger, how could you think that-”  
“Damon, stop” Caroline looked at him with pleading eyes. “You can’t come and tell me this after everything I went through, after moving out and trying to move on. I can’t leave everything behind. I don’t even know if I’d be able to…”

Caroline closed her mouth and swallowed with watery eyes. Damon clenched his jaw and glared at her. He took the note again and a pen and wrote something on it as Caroline looked at him, confused. Damon put the note in her hands and turned around to head to the door. He slammed it and Caroline jumped. Once alone, she started to cry.

* * *

_Caroline moved her foot against the floor nonstop, staring at the fire of the fireplace. When she heard the door opening, she rose immediately. There he was. Stefan came in, looking tired, and Caroline walked towards him._

_“Where were you? I was worried. Was it really hard to… I don’t know, reply to my messages?”_  
_“Hello to you too” Stefan said, taking off his jacket._  
 _“Stefan…”_  
 _“It’s only has another of my many meetings with the heretics. They were a little mad at us for taking the house again and…”_  
 _“Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”_

_Stefan looked at her in silence, remembering what they had done to him. He approached her with a soft smile and sad eyes and he cupped her cheeks with his hands. Caroline looked at him, a little confused._

_“Stefan, what’s going on?” she asked.  
“Nothing, just… I just want to look at you” Stefan stroked her cheeks with his thumbs and watched her face, trying to remember every part of her._

_He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, trying to stay calm. What would he do now? How could he tell her that he was going to forget her? The mere thought of not remembering Caroline Forbes one day was killing him._

_“Stefan, what’s wrong?” she insisted, caressing his shoulders and neck with her hands. Stefan shivered at her touch.  
“Nothing” he whispered before pressing his lips against hers. Two weeks, that was the time he had been given to decide, to get used to the idea that forgetting her was not fair, to get used to not having her in his arms._

_Caroline pulled away gently and looked into his eyes._

_“What happened with Lily?” she asked again._  
_“Everything is okay. We made a deal, actually.”_  
 _“A deal? With them?”_

_Stefan nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear, stroking her curls._

_“I’m going to have a shower” he said. Caroline nodded and Stefan released her to head to the stairs, but she took his hand._

_“Don’t leave like this ever again, okay?”_

_Caroline buried her face in his chest and Stefan hugged her, fingers tangled in her hair, burying his face in her curls, and closing his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to fall._

Caroline suddenly opened her eyes and sat up on the bed, breathing heavily. She covered her face with her hands, shaking her head.

“No, not again” she whispered, trying to calm down. She put her head between her knees and wrapped her legs with her arms, closing her eyes tightly. “Why did you lie, why…?”

She opened her eyes and the silence of the night overwhelmed her. She looked at the bedside table, lit by the moonlight that filtered between the curtains. Damon had written down Stefan’s new phone number below Daniel’s message.

She took the note and her phone with a knot in her stomach and dialed the number without really knowing what she was doing. It was 4.30 in the morning.

One pip, another one, and then someone got the call, but did not say anything.

“Stefan?” she asked in a whisper.

Silence. That only could mean that he was there.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she said with weak voice. She was about to burst into tears. She could hear his breathing. “Stefan, please. I… I need to hear your voice and know that you were real” Caroline sobbed and led her fingers to her lips in order to try to control her emotions but she was not able to. “I tried to hate you. I tried with all my will, but I can’t. Because it’s you.  _You_  are you. Tell me that you haven’t forgotten me. Tell me that-”

He hung up. Caroline’s breathing shook and she let the phone fall on the mattress to hug herself, unable to restrain the tears.

* * *

~~December 2017.~~

Caroline tapped her fingers on the desk, waiting for a document to load on her laptop screen. The raindrops hit the glass window of her office, and the clouds in the sky roared, making clear that the storm would last.

“Psst.”

Caroline looked up from the laptop after rolling her eyes.

“What do you need now, Daniel?” she asked, shaking her head.  
“Have you ever had a slip, Care? You know, like a… crazy slip of drinking everybody’s blood.”  
“What are you talking about?”

Daniel put some photographs on her desk to show them to her. Caroline realized that there were bodies covered in blood in the pictures.

“This is horrible” she mumbled.  
“I’m in charge of the crime section this week. So what do you say?” Daniel sat on the desk and looked at her with enthusiasm. “Do you think the murdered could be a vampire?”  
“Daniel, the vampire fascinated by vampires” Caroline gave him the photos and he took them. “I’ll never understand you. It doesn’t have to be a vampire.”  
“Maybe not, but maybe it has. Have you ever heard about the Ripper of Monterrey, Caroline?”

Caroline tensed and stared at the keyboard.

“He’s a legend. I’ve read and researched about the events related to him and… so far no one has been able to confirm if he’s real or not. But what if he really does exist? What if he made this?”  
“He didn’t” she said quickly.  
“Why are you so sure?”  
“Because…” she let out a sigh. “Because I knew him, and he got better.”  
“Did you meet the Ripper?” Daniel sat down on the chair in front of her desk. Caroline knew that he would ask more questions. “Tell me his story.”

Caroline opened her mouth without knowing what to say, her eyes fixed on the desk. She swallowed and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Not much to tell. He…” she looked at the daisies, remembering the orchids, remembering his smile. “He was special” she shrugged. “No one understood him until…”  
“Until what?”  
“Until he found someone who did” she said. “Someone who helped him to slow down, someone who believed in him.”  
“A woman?”

Caroline looked up at him, who was staring at her with raised eyebrows, expectantly waiting to hear the rest of the story.

“Yeah, a woman.”

_Caroline left the building of the faculty with Bonnie at her side and a coffee in hand as she told her friend about the heavy essay that would take pages and pages to write. Bonnie elbowed her suddenly and Caroline looked up and stopped talking._

_Stefan was there, in the distance, leaning against his bike, arms crossed, watching her with a soft smile on his face. Her heart began to beat fast and she gave Bonnie the coffee without looking away from him._

_“I’ll see you later” she said._

_She started walking briskly toward him, smiling as she approached him. Stefan gave a step forward just before Caroline pounced on him, wrapping his waist with her legs and his neck with her arms._

_“You’re back” she said._  
_“What did you think? That I was going to leave behind Mystic Falls and the most adorable thing the town has?” Stefan put his hands on her hips and Caroline bit her lower lip._  
 _“Technically, we’re in Whitmore” she said with a giggle. “How was the boys trip with Damon and Alaric?”_  
 _“Um, you know, a lot of bourbon, too many bars…  Not the company I’d have liked.”_

_Caroline laughed and Stefan pressed hi slips against hers, but just when she was about to give her all, he winced and pulled away, looking at his left. There was a girl on the floor that had fallen off her bike and whose knee was bleeding. Stefan started walking toward her and Caroline followed him._

_“You okay?” Stefan asked her._  
_“Yeah, just… A stupid fall” the girl said, a little embarrassed. Caroline watched Stefan pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and placing it on the girl’s knee to make the wound stop bleeding. “Thanks.”_  
 _“Let us help you” Caroline said, grabbing her arm to help her stand._  
 _“Wow, you’re strong” the girl said. Caroline nodded._  
 _“Yeah, that’s what people tell me” she said with a smile._

_The girl thanked them for the last time and walked away. Caroline looked at Stefan askance._

_“What?” he asked. Caroline shook her head._  
_“Nothing” she said._  
 _“It wasn’t that bad. She wasn’t bleeding that much for me to…”_  
 _“Shut up” she said, rolling her eyes and laughing._

_She stroked his chest with her hand and looked into his eyes._

_“You should be proud” she told him.  
“No need, it’s enough if you are” he took her hand and led it to his lips. “Because it’s thanks to you. It’ll always be because of you.”_

_Caroline blushed and shook her head._

_“Stefan…”_  
_“You, Caroline” he insisted._  
 _“Forget it” she said with a shy smile._  
 _“How could I possibly forget someone like you?”_

“What happened to them?” Daniel asked.

Caroline swallowed hard and looked away at the window.

“He left, and she was never able to forget him. But he did.”  
“Oh, come on. For being a ripper, he seemed very much in love. Why would he forget someone like her?”

She turned her face slowly to him and looked at him with bright eyes. She smiled slightly, trying to keep the tears in her eyes. He shrugged with a smile.

“I knew there had to be a reason why you didn’t like my daisies.”

Caroline could not help but laugh as a tear fell down her cheek.

* * *

~~January 2018.~~

Caroline stopped the car in front of the house and looked at the front after letting out a sigh. She looked up at his window, the curtains were drawn, of course.

She got out of the car with a knot in her stomach and opened the door with the key that she had never thrown out. The Salvatore mansion was completely silent, which was surprising considering that Damon was still living there.

She grabbed the knob of the door of Stefan’s bedroom and opened it, taking a deep breath. She walked to the center of the room slowly while taking off her jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. Everything was so dark.

She closed her eyes for a second, remembering him reading on the bed as she watched him.

She drew the curtains and the room lit up. She opened the window to air it out. And then she realized that her heart had waited a long time for her to finally be ready for that moment. To open the windows, to let the light enter that room again.

When she heard some footsteps behind, she turned around.

“So…”  
“So” Caroline said, looking at Damon, “we bring him back.”

Damon glanced at the closed boxes full of journals and nodded at her.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was about to reach him! I was about to get him back.

~~January 2018.~~

Caroline opened her eyes and looked down, clutching the sheets and burying her cheek on his pillow. It smelled like him. It was like he was there, but he was not.

_This one reminds me of you, Caroline. Because if you don’t remember me, then what am I?_

She shut her eyes, feeling how heavy her eyelids were. Not that she was physically tired, but the psychological exhaustion… She did not know if she would ever recover after everything that had happened.

She ran a hand over her face and got out of bed, stepping barefoot on the floor. She looked around his bedroom and the nostalgia made her shudder. The room was freezing, or maybe she was, since she had been broken so much time.

She opened his closet and a drawer to find one of his sweatshirts. Almost all his clothes were there, if not all of them. When she put it on and felt the warmth, she wondered if she was going too far, crossing the line. The more she let the memories influence her, the more pain she would feel when she had to come back to reality.

She was about to close the drawer when she saw something that made her heart stop for a few seconds. She reached out and took the little blue box. And when she opened it, she could not help but sit down on the bed, watching the so familiar ring.

_“We need… confetti, balloons, soft drinks, and… a piñata” Stefan said, frowning as he read the list. Caroline was walking beside him, watching the store windows. “Caroline, are you sure that Bonnie will want a piñata for her birthday?”  
“It’ll be fun!” she exclaimed, smiling._

_Stefan shook his head, laughing, and when he turned his head to her to tease her, he realized that she was no longer at his side. He looked back and found her standing in front of the window of the jewelry._

_“Now what?” he asked, standing behind her, looking over her shoulder._  
_“I haven’t bought anything for her yet” she said thoughtfully. “Do you think she’ll like that bracelet?”_  
 _“Um, I guess” Stefan said, shrugging._  
 _“Bah, I don’t know why I ask your opinion, considering that you buy your gifts at quick stops.”_  
 _“Hey!” Stefan gave her an affectionate pinch on the side and Caroline chuckled. “When are you going to forgive me for that? I wonder why you have that snow globe kept in your drawer if you don’t like it that much.”_

_Caroline cleared her throat, blushing a little. Who was she kidding. She loved it._

_“Well, I don’t want to offend you, that’s why I kept it” she said. Stefan chuckled and put his arms around her waist from behind, burying his face in her neck._

_Caroline put her hand on his, playing with his fingers, and she looked towards the engagement rings helplessly.  Stefan noticed._

_“What do you think of those?” he asked, referring to them._   
_“Those are engagement rings, Stefan. Unless you want me to marry Bonnie…”_   
_“Caroline” Stefan said, exasperated, giving her a playful bite on the neck. “I mean what you think in general.”_   
_“They’re… beautiful” she said. Her gaze was fixed on one in particular and Stefan tried to realize which one. “Anyway…” she let out a sigh and kept walking. “Come on, we have too much to buy.”_

_Stefan glanced at the ring before following her._

Caroline touched the ring with her index finger, torn between laughing or crying. Stefan was going to ask her to marry him, and she was finding out about it almost two years later.

“Okay, blondie, it’s time to get down to business and for you to leave  _Crazyland_  after a year and a half of continuous madness” Damon entered the room with the phone in his hand and Caroline tried to stood straight.

She cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ear, standing up and heading to the drawer.

“What do you have there?” Damon asked, worried, and ran to her to snatch whatever she had from her hands.  
“Damon!”  
“What…?” his face relaxed a little when he saw that it was not a journal, but he could not help but be surprised to see an engagement ring. “Oh.”

Caroline snatched it from his hands and put it in the drawer.

“Apparently, we’ll be family, Caroline Salvatore” he said with a mischievous smile. Caroline rolled her eyes and folded her arms.  
“What do you want?”  
“For you to do what you didn’t in New York. Yesterday you said that we were going to bring Stefan Back. Well, here you go” Damon handed her the phone again, with the name of Stefan on the screen. Caroline looked at him as if he was idiot.   
“Really? That’s your plan? For me to call him and ask him to come back?” she asked.  
“Um, yes?”  
“Damon, how can you be so stupid? How old are you?”

Damon glared at her.

“We’re going to find him” she said with determination, walking towards the desk. Damon’s eyes widened and he turned around to her, remembering Stefan’s words, remembering what he said about Caroline being in danger if the heretics learned that she was going looking for him. They were supposed to look for him in a subtle way, but, of course, Caroline did not understand that concept when it came to find him. Stefan was going to kill him.

“Wait, what?”  
“We’ll follow tracks, I’m sure we can find him somehow. Bonnie can helps us and-”  
“No, no, no, no way. You know what Stefan will do if he finds out that I’ve told you the truth and that we’re looking for him? He’ll kill me.”  
“Doesn’t sound so bad.”

Caroline gave her a fake smile and Damon snorted.

“We’re not going to look for him, blondie.”  
“You asked me to bring him back, so we’ll do it my way.”

Damon and Caroline stared defiantly at each other for a few seconds. Damon knew that, whatever he said to object, Caroline would win anyway.

“Bah” he said.  
“Good” Caroline turned to the desk and let out a sigh. “I think we should leave this afternoon. What are all these boxes, by the way?” she asked.

Caroline was going to open one but Damon sped to her and stopped her, putting his hand over the box. She looked at him impatiently.

“My stuff. Since Stefan wasn’t here…”

Caroline rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.

* * *

~~February 2018.~~

_I still remember the relief I felt when she said it, when she finally said that she had never really hated me. Because, there was nothing worse than the most perfect thing in the world hating me. There was nothing worse than that ray of sunlight hating me. It was the worst punishment, and I actually more than deserved it. But again, there she was, being perfect, and the most compassionate person I’ve ever met. And I could not think of anything else. I just wanted to kiss her, there was something inside of me telling me to do it, not to let go that chance. Because she looked beautiful, because not kissing her was driving me crazy even if I wasn’t showing it. The only thing I wanted to do was taste her lips, and I did. And it was the best decision I’ve ever made, despite of the circumstances. And then…_

Stefan stopped after writing the letter “n”. And then… Then what? He jumped when, without realizing it, made a hole on the paper with the tip of the pen.

“Then…” he mumbled. “Damn it. What happened next?” Stefan ran his hand over his face, starting to get nervous. He did not remember. Whatever happened, he could not remember.  
“Losing your memory?” Valerie asked, leaning on the back of the couch behind him to read what he was writing. Stefan closed the diary shut and clenched his jaw. “Oh, you’re writing about her. How cute.”  
“Leave me alone” Stefan hissed.  
“It’s a good idea, actually, considering that soon, you-”

Valerie hit the wall when Stefan pushed her against it, with his hand wrapped around her neck, squeezing. Valerie laughed.

“Tempt me, Stefan. Tempt me and I swear you’ll not forget her little by little. With a few words I can make you forget her right now, forever.”

Stefan squeezed her neck even more for a moment, tempted by the idea of killing the person who was making him forget the best thing that had ever happened to him. But his fingers loosened and he released her, surrendering. He turned around, heading to the door.

When he walked out of the house, he leaned against the porch railing, grabbing it tightly with his hands. He looked around, watching the trees. Again, they were living in a house lost in the woods. This time, Oregon.

He missed her, he missed laughing because of something she said. He opened the journal and turned some pages until he found the picture. She was sticking out her tongue on it and Stefan could not help but smile slightly at the image.

_Stefan entered her bedroom and looked around with a knot in his throat. So tidy as usual. He dragged his feet towards her shelf. Photographs of her with Liz, with Bonnie and Elena, with Tyler and Matt, with him. She even had a photograph of only him. He knew that she had taken it from his bedroom._

_Next to that one, there was another of her, sticking out her tongue. Beautiful, happy, Caroline._

_He took it and looked at her, feeling as if someone gave him a kick in the stomach. Worse, as if someone put a stake through his heart. It was funny, he had always hated what he was, what he had become. And yet, now he wanted to live, for her. Because there was nothing more encouraging than sharing eternity with Caroline Forbes and her adorable optimism, always saying that everything would be okay in the end._

_But this time was different. This time there would be no happy ending, there would not be a day in which everything would be fine. Because there was no way to fix what had happened, there was no way to make it stop._

_He pulled the photo out of the frame and put it in his pocket, trying to stay calm. But it was difficult, if not impossible._

_When his phone buzzed and he looked at the screen, he swallowed hard. There she was again. What would his days be like when she did not call him anymore? What would happen if she called him one day and he did not remember who that Caroline that appeared smiling on the screen of his phone was?_

_He clenched his jaw as his eyes filled with tears. He closed them and put the phone against his hear._

_“Hey.”  
“Hey, stranger! I’ve called you a thousand times” Caroline said with a giggle. Stefan opened his eyes when he heard her open the front door. She had just arrived home. “I thought you’d forgotten me.”_

_Stefan swallowed hard again. He was afraid that if he spoke, the weak tone of his voice would betray him._

_“Of course not. I’ve been busy, you know… Damon, Alaric…”  
“Mm, sounds like fun. But what about me? Do you remember me? You know, Caroline, your girlfriend, who loves to have all the attention of the world.”_

_Stefan laughed weakly and then pursed his lips, rubbing his forehead._

_“Where are you?” she asked._  
_“Er…” Stefan looked around and tried to listen carefully to make sure that Caroline was still downstairs. He walked towards the window and opened it. “At home.”_  
 _“What do you say about Grill at 9, with a game of pool and a couple of beers included?”_  
 _“Sounds good” he said._  
 _“Great! See you there.”_  
 _“Okay.”_  
 _“Stefan?”_

_He remained silent, knowing what he was about to hear, and wondering how much time he had left to hear those words._

_“I love you.”_

* * *

~~May 2018.~~

“But it’s another clue!” Caroline said.  
“Another dead end clue, you mean” Damon replied, rolling his eyes. “Not that I want to despise the skills of our witch, but how many times does she hit the target?”  
“This time it’s different. She isn’t trying to track him anymore, she’s trying to track Lily now. Maybe Stefan has a blocking spell or something.”  
“What if Lily and Stefan aren’t in the same place? Huh?” he asked after clearing his throat.

Caroline pursed her lips and folded her arms, looking through the car window. Damon sighed.

“We should go back to Mystic Falls and start again from there. Maybe-”  
“Damon” she said. Her look was enough for him to know that they would not go back.  
“Blondie, I know you want him back and all of that, but maybe you should relax, okay? We don’t know in which stat we’ll find him.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?” Caroline asked, confused.

Damon opened his mouth with his eyes fixed on the road. They were just out of the state of Nevada, entering Oregon.

“Well, we know how Stefan is” Damon said. “Once he loses his mind, he starts breaking necks and-”  
“He wouldn’t do that” Caroline said, looking away.  
“I don’t want to disappoint you, but in his nearly 200 years, he has done it more than once.”  
“Stefan has more self-control than you think and…”

Caroline stopped talking when her phone buzzed in her bag. She pulled it out quickly and slid her thumb over the screen.

“So? Do we have new from our Hermione Granger?” Damon asked.  
“Redmond” Caroline said.  
“My name is Damon.”  
“No, Damon, Redmond, that’s where they are” she said, showing him the directions and the map of the screen.  
“Redmond it is.”

* * *

Caroline walked among the trees, following the directions of the map. Damon was following her, looking around and alert in case anything suddenly showed up.

She stopped and looked forward, feeling her heart beating fast. Damon stopped beside her and looked at the house that there was a few meters away in front of them.

“Come on” she said, putting her phone inside her pocket. Damon grabbed her arm.  
“Are you crazy?” he asked her, and then shook his head. “I don’t even know why I’m asking. You are!”  
“We have to go in there, he may be inside” she explained in whispers.  
“Look, blondie, I know that you lose all sense of logic when it comes to my brother, so, please, focus and don’t be stupid.”

Caroline released from his grasp and gritted her teeth, trying to control herself to not break his neck and walking into the house by her own. The front door suddenly opened and Damon pulled the sleeve of her jacket to make her bent behind some bushes.

Stefan stepped into the porch with a beer in hand and a journal in the other. Caroline froze, watching how he leaned against the railing. Damon looked at her from the corner of the eye and saw her petrified and broken face, the spark in her eyes, and he could even hear the speed at which her heart was beating. And for once in his life, he understood what she had to be feeling. Because he would feel the same thing if he saw Elena after a long time.

Caroline swallowed hard with watery eyes. She did not want to cry, but the emotions were shaking her in a way that hurt. She closed her eyes for a brief second and then opened them. She did not want to miss a thing, she did not want to lose him again.

“It’s him” she said in a whisper, so quiet that Damon wondered if he had imagined it. “It’s him. We… We have to…”

Caroline stood and Damon imitated her without knowing what to do. She stepped forward and Stefan looked up from the journal towards he had heard the footstep. And then he saw her. It was her, his Caroline, and she looked real, but he did not know if his mind was laughing at him.

Damon saw the same expression of surprise that Caroline had on his brother’s face, and realized that Stefan did not know how to react or what to do.

“Caroline…” Damon tried to grab her arm to stop her but Caroline released from his hand again without looking away from Stefan.  
“Stefan” she said in a whisper. Memories of the last day she saw him flooded her mind, the way she shouted his name and he hesitated for a few seconds to turn around, the way she waited for him but he never came back. Perhaps, she should have gone after him that day, as she was doing now.

Stefan took a step toward the three steps of the porch, but he stopped when he heard footsteps approaching behind him. He was completely frozen and glanced at Damon, shaking his head. Caroline saw it too.

“No” she mumbled. “No, no…”

Damon grabbed Caroline tightly and sped away with her, again hiding behind the bushes.

“No, Damon, we have to… Damon, don’t you dare…!” Caroline tried to pull away but Damon tightened his grip and covered her mouth, looking through the bushes.  
“Shh! Do you want them to find us?”

Caroline stopped kicking but continued glaring at him. Then she glanced at the porch, and they both saw Lily talking to Stefan, placing a hand on his shoulder. Stefan shook his head and went back into the house, followed by Lily.

“No!” Caroline exclaimed in a whisper. “No, no, no!”

Caroline tried to stand up but Damon grabbed her and ran away with her as she hit him and hit him to make him release her, without success.

* * *

He released her as soon as they entered the room of the motel and Caroline turned to him with a mad look, very angry.

“Why did you do that? Damn it, Damon! Why did you?!”  
“Because they’d have killed us all! What part of entering the house is dangerous you didn’t understand?”  
“I was…!” Caroline clenched her jaw, breathing hard. “I was about to reach him! I was about to get him back, Damon!”

Caroline started to punch him with her closed fists and Damon sighed, letting her do it.

“I was going to get him back, I…!”  
“I know” Damon said.

Her lower lip trembled and she turned around to head to the bathroom before Damon could see the tears falling down her cheeks.

* * *

Damon came into the room carrying a box and saw that Caroline was watching a TV program with a tired, exhausted look. Her eyes were red from crying and he wondered if he was doing the right thing.

He put the box on the table and looked at the TV for a few long seconds before preparing the couch with a couple of blankets and two cushions.

“Look, I’m sorry, blondie, okay?” he said, trying to sound sincere. Caroline did not look at him, did not flinch. “Stefan left precisely to not put you in danger, and the first thing you do is go and-”  
“If it had been Elena, would you have let anyone stop you from reaching her?” Caroline asked with a weak voice, looking at the sheets.

Damon sighed.

“Tell me, Damon” she said, and looked intently at him. “Would you?”  
“No” he finally said.  
“Exactly” she said, looking at the TV screen again.

Damon gritted his teeth, not because he was angry, because she was right. And he did not want to keep lying to her, he did not wanted to give her more false hope.

“Well, once we’ve talked about it and all… Do you accept my apology?” he asked him with a wide smile.  
“I guess I do, but I’m not sorry for punching you” she said without looking at him.  
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Damon grabbed the box and dropped it on her bed. Caroline looked at him, much to her dismay.

“What’s that?” she asked with a harsh tone.  
“Start with the first one. Don’t read the others if… you haven’t read the first one, okay?”

Caroline looked at him with a frown and Damon nodded, trying to convince himself that it was for the best. He returned to the couch and lay down after turning off the lamp beside it, his back to her.

Caroline opened the box and saw all the journals, marked with dates. Dates that began the year Stefan had returned to Mystic Falls. He took the oldest, the first one, and opened it to the first page.

She glanced at Damon, who had his eyes wide open but she could not see them. And then she was scared. Caroline was scared, because there was a reason why Damon had brought all those boxes with him, even if she had not asked him why. There was a reason why Damon did not want to be facing her while she read the content of the pages.

Because they were Stefan’s.

She cleared her throat and began to read. The first page had no date, it was just a piece of text. A text that she wished she had never read and whose sentences seemed to want to break each part of her heart. Some of them were…

_I had to choose…_

_It was going with them or watching her die…_

_I wanted to stay. I wanted, for the first time, to ignore the danger and just be with her…_

_A spell…_

_I’m cursed…_

_I’m forgetting her…_

_I wanted to be selfish and stay…_

_I can’t be selfish with her, she doesn’t deserve this. She deserves something much better…_

_I won’t remember her…_

_Her laugh, her lips, her eyes, her skin…_

_I’m forgetting her._

Damon heard her crying silently against the pillow the whole night.


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will remember for both of us.

**CHAPTER VI**

~~May 2018.~~

_He looked up quickly to look at her face, at the way she was closing her eyes and squeezed his shoulders with her fingers and oponed her mouth, parting her lips, letting out a breath. Stefan took the opportunity to stroke her lower lip with his thumb as he watched her reach the highest peak. Caroline oponed her eyes when she felt his touch and gave him a little smile. He always pleased her._

_Stefan leaned his face towards her collarbone and started kissing her skin and bones delicately. She closed her eyes again, overwhelmed by the way he was caressing her body with her lips, heading to her neck, jaw…_

_She felt his hand cupping her cheek, stroking it with his fingertips, as he pulled her hair away from her face. Caroline opened her eyes and realized how close he was, how he was staring at her face._

_And when their eyes met, she also saw a sparkle in his glassy eyes. Caroline frowned slightly, looking back at him._

_“I love you” he said, stroking her cheek with a little smile on his face. Distant, sad._

_Stefan brushed her lips with his and Caroline closed her eyes, feeling a sense of fear overwhelming her._

_“I love you” he repeated, burying his face in her neck, letting out a sigh._

_Caroline stared at the ceiling, feeling his lips against her skin, feeling his breath, feeling his dismay. And feeling that, somehow, things were about to change._

Caroline moved her spoon in her coffee cup, listening to the clock of the wall of the bar. The doorbell of the door ran and a few seconds later Damon sat in front of her, dropping his hands on the table and tapping his fingers.

“Well” he said, clearing his throat. Caroline kept looking at her coffee with an exhausted look. “You left early in the morning.”  
“I needed a walk” she said.  
“With my car.”

Caroline shrugged. Damon guessed that trying to make her mad would not be enough this time to make her react. He sighed, watching how she moved the spoon all over again without giving even a sip of her coffee.

“Do you… wanna talk about it?” he finally asked.  
“No, Damon. I don’t.”  
“Um, okaaay” he said. “So… What do we do now? Should we go back?”  
“I guess.”

Damon frowned after hearing her answer.

“To Mystic Falls?” he asked again.  
“Yeah” she said. She looked up at him. “Check the car before we leave. There wasn’t too much gas when I parked.”

Damon looked at her, not knowing what to say, and Caroline looked at her coffee.

“Prepare your bags, I’ll be back in 15 minutes and we can leave” he said, standing up. Caroline nodded and when she heard the doorbell ring again after he left the bar, she looked up.

* * *

Damon opened the door as he typed a message to Bonnie to say that they were going home.

“Okay, blondie. Car with gas, checked. Bonnie and Enzo warned, checked. Paid the room of this ugly motel, checked. Time to…”

Damon closed his mouth after looking up from the screen of his phone and realizing that there was no signo of Caroline in the room. He gritted his teeth and snorted. Obviously, she had deceived him and that meant that she was probably on her way to the house where Stefan and the heretics were staying. If she had not already arrived.

Her plan? No idea, but it would surely be a suicide mission, even if she thought that she could save the world simply because she wanted to.

“Can’t you stop acting like  _Sailor Moon_  for even a second, blondie? Damn it” he mumbled before leaving the door and shutting the door.

* * *

Caroline bent behind the bushes and put her hair behind her ear to listen carefully. The house was silent, and there would not be a better opportunity than that one. She walked towards the house and surrounded it, stuck to the wall, until she found the back door.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping into the kitchen. Apparently, the house did not have an owner, which simplified things. She walked slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible, and then saw a book on the counter. She knew where she would find him.

She walked into the library in a few seconds, and it was a stroke of luck that the house was so empty. She saw him sitting on the couch, his back to her. His neck, his hair, his head slightly tilted forward, looking down. She took two steps forward and saw that he was writing. Another day, more pages to fill, more moments to remember. And it hurt, it hurt like nothing had ever hurt.

“ _Stefan_.”

It was only a whisper, but it felt so good to taste his name in her mouth again, and felt that he was really there and it was not another of her dreams or hallucinations. He was there, he was real.

Stefan stood up immediately, turning around to her, the journal hanging in his hand. He looked at her with the same face he had when she found him in Savannah years ago. He swallowed hard, his mouth dry, trying to speak.

“What are you doing here?” he asked her. Caroline stared into his eyes, feeling a knot in her throat.  
“Are you really… asking me that question?” Caroline smiled slightly with a spark in her eyes. Stefan looked at her, frozen. “I came for you.”

Caroline waited for him to say something, but all he did was look around until his gaze landed on the door. He was afraid of someone entering or hearing her. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

“You shouldn’t have” he said, shaking his head a little, looking down.

Caroline blinked, trying not to collapse. She licked her lips and took a step toward him.

“Stefan…”  
“Caroline” Stefan stepped back and Caroline stopped, hurt. “Please, don’t. Go, if they know you’re here, they…”  
“I’m not leaving” she said, interrupting him. “I won’t be so stupid to leave and not insist. That’s what I should have done that day when you lied to me and left.”

Stefan looked up at her. She was hurt, of course, and he understood. He knew perfectly what she meant.

“Caroline, you… You don’t understand” he said, looking at the journal from the corner of his eye. “It’s… It’s much more than what you think, it’s…”  
“Stefan, I know. I know everything.”

Stefan looked up at her again and she took another step forward. If he stretched an arm, he would be able to touch her. But he could not, he could not let her convince him.

“What?”  
“I know about the spell” she said with glassy eyes. “I… Your journals” Caroline tucked her hair behind her ear, looking away. Stefan finally understood. She had read them. “I’ve read them. I’ve read every page, every sentence, every…” Caroline sighed and pursed her lips for a moment when she felt them trembling.

Stefan nodded with glassy eyes as well.

“You should have told me” she said. Stefan looked intently at her eyes.  
“To make it more difficult?”  
“No, Stefan…” Caroline finally stood in front of him and grabbed the journal of his hand. She closed it and looked at the cover, stroking the material. “So instead of writing it all, I could be the one who made you remember everything.”

Stefan smiled slightly with sadness in his eyes. He shook his eyes, looking away.

“You have to go. I don’t know where they are, but they’ll come and…”

The words floated in the air when he felt Caroline intertwining her fingers with his, holding his hand carefully. Stefan looked at their joined hands and his heart began to beat fast, as if it was going to pop out of his chest. He looked at her and saw that she was looking at their joined hands as well with a small smile on her face, tired eyes, but hopeful.

“Stefan, let me… Let me be by your side, please.”  
“No, I can’t. Don’t you understand? I’m going to forget everything” Stefan had to swallow when he felt the knot forming in his throat. His eyes filled with tears, and Caroline could not help but feel the tears forming in her eyes as well at seeing him that way. “I’m going to forget you, I’m already forgetting you. And it’s… It’s…”

Stefan looked at her and cupped her cheek. Caroline gasped when she felt his touch against her skin, when she saw the way he was looking at her.

“It’s the worst thing that could ever happen to me” he said with weak voice. “And I can’t…  You can’t go through this. You deserve to be happy, to find someone who…”  
“Are you kidding?”  
“Caroline, it’s not fair. It’s not fair to you.”  
“No, what is not fair is that you decide for me” Caroline said.

Stefan sighed.

“And what will happen when I forget you? Huh?” he asked her. Caroline shook her head.

She brushed his neck with her fingers, down his skin until she dropped her hand on his chest and squeezed his shirt. Stefan closed his eyes at the feel of her touch and Caroline leaned her forehead against his. When he opened his eyes, he met hers and his heart jumped.

“We’ll not let that happen” he said.  
“No?”  
“No” she shook her head again. “Because I will make you remember” she said in a whisper.

She leaned toward him a little but Stefan placed a hand on her cheek.

“How?”

She smiled slightly and brushed his lips with hers a little, closing her eyes.

“No need of journals, Stefan” she said, close to his lips. “You have me. I can tell you everything myself. And when that doesn’t have any effect, I’ll just…”

Caroline pressed her lips against his, giving him a slow, simple kiss. She opened her eyes and saw that Stefan was already staring at her.

“And what will happen once I forget also about that?” he asked her.  
“I’ll give you another” she said, placing her hands on both sides of his neck to give him another peak. Stefan closed his eyes tightly, enjoying the touch of her lips. It had been years without her, without her kisses. He licked his lips, trying to mark the taste of her mouth on his skin, and she opened her sparkly eyes.  
“Caroline… No, don’t…”  
“Stefan, please” she begged.

Stefan looked at her for a few seconds, but then looked away, trying very hard not to let go. Caroline grabbed his chin to make him look at her again and although Stefan tried to avoid her gaze, he finally looked at her and gulped.

“Look at me and tell me you don’t want to come back, with me” she said.   
“How wouldn’t I want to be with you?” he asked her. “Did you read my journals?”  
“Then, come with me” she squeezed his shirt tightly helplessly “I will remember for both of us.”

She smiled slightly, a bit sad, bringing her face close to his.

“Okay?” she whispered before pressing her lips against his again. Stefan closed his eyes, letting her brush his lips.

He cupped her cheeks with his hands, fingers tangled in her hair, and parted her lips with his tongue to kiss her in a way that she had not done in years. It was like breathing for the first time and drowning at the same time. He felt her soaked cheeks with tears, not only from her eyes, but also from his.

“I’m sorry” he whispered against her lips. “I’m sorry…”

Caroline clung to him and Stefan wrapped her in his arms to hug her, burying his face in her neck as she did the same.

“ _I love you_.”

Caroline closed her eyes at hearing his words, overwhelmed by the feel of him beside her again after so many months of nightmares, tears, and grief.

“Come home” she whispered against his chest. Stefan nodded, throwing his head back to look at her, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Caroline leaned to his touch.  
“Oh, what do we owe this pleasure?”

Stefan turned to the door and Caroline looked over his shoulder, behind him. Of course, there would be complications.

“Does Lily know she’s here?” Valerie asked, raising her eyebrows. Caroline opened her mouth to respond but she kept talking. “This wasn’t our dial, Stefan. It was seeing her die or joining us, remember?”  
“I joined you, I am here, aren’t I?” he said. “Caroline was just…”  
“No need to lie, Stefan. I heard everything.”

Stefan and Caroline remained silent. He was trying to think of a way to get them out there or to save Caroline, whereas Caroline was looking at Valerie angrily.

“Unfortunately, deals mean something to me. And since you’ve decided to leave us…”

Valerie made a gesture with her hand and Caroline led her hands to her temples, closing her eyes tightly and falling down to the ground. Stefan vamp sped towards Valerie and grabbed her by the neck until he pushed her against the wall.

“Stop!” he shouted. Valerie smiled. Stefan heard Caroline’s cries of pain in the background. “I said stop!” Stefan squeezed her neck harder, but then Valerie raised her hand, ready to make the last move to end with Caroline’s life.

Damon appeared suddenly, looking around with a blank face. Stefan grabbed the collar of Valerie’s jacket and dragged her at vamp speed with him, leaving the house.

“No!” Caroline cried, trying to stand up.  
“Blondie!” Damon ran towards her to help her stand. “Are you insane?! What were you thinking? Would you mind telling me about your suicidal plans before carrying them out?!”  
“We have to find him!” she said, trying to get rid of his grip. Damon was grabbing her arm. She looked at him with pursed lips. “Damon” she said in a warning tone. He snorted and released her arm. He knew that he could not stop her a second time in two days when Stefan’s life was in danger.  
“Let’s go find him.”

They vamp sped out of the house to look for him in the woods. They went separate ways, trying to listen to anything that would help them find him. But everything was silent. No sign of discussions, spells, murmurs, no shouting or fight. Caroline felt a sense of fear inside her. She had just got him back after months of agony, would she lose him again in a matter of seconds? Maybe it was her fault for having gone look for him, for not having carried out a better plan.

She would never be able to forgive himself if that was the case.

She grabbed a tree in order to brake. She looked down and saw him lying on the ground with his eyes closed. No sign of Valerie.

“Damon!” she exclaimed.

She walked quickly towards him, listening to the beating of her own heart pounding her ears. She bent down and looked at him with wide eyes, placing a hand on his chest. She sighed, relieved. His heart was beating, and he was still breathing.

Damon came and stopped behind her suddenly at seeing Stefan lying on the floor.

“It’s okay” she said quickly. “He’s just… unconscious.”  
“Valerie must have left him KO” Damon said, looking around suspiciously. “Where is that crackpot, by the way?”  
“It doesn’t matter” she said, and started to get Stefan to carry him. Damon put a hand on her shoulder.  
“I will do it.”

* * *

Damon looked through the rearview mirror. Caroline was sitting in the back seat, Stefan was lying with his head on her lap, and she was stroking his hair, looking at him with a little smile.

“You’re crazy, you know that, right?” Damon said. Caroline rolled her eyes. “I thought you were being serious when you agreed to go back to Mystic Falls. I thought you had finally given up.”  
“Who’s the idiot now?” Caroline asked, still staring at Stefan. Damon snorted.  
“I should have known” he murmured.  
“Do you think that…? Shouldn’t he have awakened already?” Caroline asked, a little worried.  
“He’s breathing and his heart beats, that’s what matters. We know how strong are those damn heretics. Maybe it’ll take some time for him to recover. He’ll wake up, and if not, Bonnie will find a way. At least, he’s with us.”

Caroline smiled again, stroking Stefan’s cheek.

“It’s the first time I see you smile in a long time” Damon said, looking intently at the road.

Caroline tried to hide her smile, but she could not.

“Because I finally feel I’m home” she said, shrugging. Damon rolled his eyes and snorted again. “Shut up” she mumbled, shaking her head.  
“Stop being so cheesy” Damon said.  
“Don’t pretend you’re not happy. I know you missed him as much as I did.”

Damon sighed and looked at Stefan through the rearview mirror.

“Turns out he’s essential for both of us, huh?” Caroline said, looking up to meet his gaze.  
“Turns out.”

* * *

 _Stefan pulled the key out of the pocket of his jeans and looked at it with an exhausted face. He sighed and dropped his forehead against the door. He did not find the way to do it, to explain what was going on, or to_ _say goodbye. Because all he wanted and needed was be with her._

_He stood straight, trying to compose himself, sniffling. He opened the door and smiled at seeing everything so neat and tidy. Her head showed up from the kitchen and Caroline looked at him with surprise._

_Stefan smiled slightly, closing the door behind him. She was beautiful with her hair worn up in a bun and a lock of it falling on the side of her face. Caroline stopped whatever she was doing and ran towards him with a smile on her face, jumped on him like a predator and put her legs around his waist._

_Such was the strength with which she had jumped on him that Stefan hit the door, laughing. She suddenly kissed him and Stefan wrapped her waist with his arms, putting his hands under her shirt to stroke her back. He had been gone only for three days, and he had missed her as if it had been an eternity._

_“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back today?” she asked him._  
_“I wanted to give you a surprise” he said, placing the lock of hair behind her ear._  
 _“I missed you” Caroline said. Stefan gulped and nodded, briefly looking away. “How was the trip? Is Damon better now?”_  
 _“Yeah, he’s fine.”_

_Lies and more lies. He had been the one who had asked Damon to go away for a few days. And the only reason was because he wanted to meet a witch he had heard about. Purpose? Ask for her help to undo the spell, but as he had suspected, it had no solution. There was nothing like that magic. But, of course, he had not told Damon about this, and he could not tell her either._

_“Mm, I see that you do okay without me” Stefan said, looking at how tidied everything was._   
_“Nonsense” she said with a smile._   
_“Actually, who knows. Imagine that one day, I don’t know, I’m not here or something happens and…”_   
_“Stefan” Caroline closed her eyes, trying not to lose her patience._   
_“I’m sure that you’d win over any guy you invited home in less than-”_   
_“This conversation again?” she asked, irritated. She put her feet on the ground and folded her arms._   
_“I’m just saying that maybe, considering that you’re stronger than me in every way” Stefan gave her an affectionate pinch on the belly and Caroline let out a sigh, “you’ll live more than me. And if that happens…”_   
_“If that happens, what?”_

_Stefan gave her a little smile. He was trying to make it look like a trivial talk, fun conversation. But he could not be talking more seriously._

_“If that happens, I’d like you to promise me” Stefan pinched the tip of her nose playfully and Caroline rolled her eyes, pulling his hand away “that you’ll move on, you’ll be happy, and you’ll let someone make you happy. Because you, Caroline Forbes” Stefan cupped her cheeks with his hands, “you deserve to be happier than anyone else in this world.”_

_Caroline looked at him for a few seconds, staring into his eyes, trying to figure out if his words had a double hidden meaning. She placed her hands over his to caress his skin with her thumbs and Stefan got lost in her eyes, thinking how lucky he had been, and whishing that he had had more time with her. Because she made him insanely happy._

_“There’s no need to promise anything. I’m happy, with you” she said with a little smile. Stefan sighed. It was not what he wanted to hear, at least not completely. He needed to know that she would be okay when he was not there anymore._   
_“But suppose that…”_   
_“Don’t make me suppose anything” she interrupted him. “Because if you weren’t here, I don’t know what I would do” Caroline looked away briefly, feeling scared of only thinking that one day he could not be by her side. Stefan looked at her, trying not to show how worried he was. “Good thing that I’ll have you forever” she said, looking at him again and smiling._

_He looked at her silently with a straight face. Caroline frowned._

_“Right?” she asked him._

_Stefan stroked her cheek with his thumb, brushing her hair with his fingertips, and smiled slightly. Caroline was able to catch the hint of sadness in his eyes._

_“Let me make it up to you for these having been MIA these three days. I’ll make you dinner” he kissed her temple and headed to the kitchen._

_Caroline followed him with her eyes, her smile fading slowly. Because deep down, she knew something was happening, and yet, she was afraid to recognize it and say it out loud._

“It’s done” Bonnie said, closing the book.  
“But he’s not waking up” Caroline said nervously. Stefan was lying on his bed, he was still unconscious. Damon was standing between the two girls, watching his brother with folded arms.  
“It had to be a powerful spell. He can wake up at any moment, but I’m sure he will soon. The book says that the period is an hour” Bonnie explained. “I still can’t believe you found him.”  
“ _Sailor Moon_  did” Damon said, pointing at Caroline.  
“Thank you, Bonnie” Caroline said.  
“No worries” the brunette said. “I gotta go. Send me all the updates, and if there’s any problem, don’t hesitate to call me.”  
“We will,  _Sabrina_ ” Damon said.

Bonnie rolled her eyes before leaving. Caroline sat on the bed while looking at Stefan.

“Okay, we must welcome our guest star as he deserves so… I’ll make pancakes!”

Damon left the room and Caroline pursed her lips to keep from smiling. Damon would not admit it, but she knew that he was excited to have his brother back.

Caroline took Stefan’s hand and sighed. It seemed unreal to be there with him at last.

“I forgive you” she whispered, leading his hand to her cheek to feel his touch. She lay down slowly beside him and rested her cheek on his shoulder. “I just want…” Caroline stroked his left cheek with her hand and kissed him on the other, brushing the tip of her nose against his skin, “you to wake up already. I want you to surprise me at home, making dinner, or reading in my bed, or…”

Caroline felt how his body moved a little. She stood straight quickly, staring him with concentration to analyze his face. His eyelids moved too and he started to open his eyes slowly.

Caroline smiled and got out of bed, not knowing what to do.

“Damon!” she exclaimed. “He’s awake!”  
“Pancakes going!” Damon said from the kitchen.

Caroline sat down on the bed again as Stefan rubbed his eyelids and stood a little to rest his back against the wall.

“How do you feel?” she asked him.  
“A little… disoriented” Stefan looked around with tired eyes. “I’m home?”

Caroline nodded. Stefan seemed to finally focus and looked at her, confused.

“Who…?”

Caroline raised her eyebrows questioningly, still smiling.

“ _Who are you?_ ”

But her smile vanished quickly.


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if I had never existed.

**CHAPTER VII**

~~May 2018.~~

“Who…?”

Caroline raised her eyebrows questioningly, still smiling.

“Who are you?”

Her smile became blurred slowly as she felt how her stomach twisted. Stefan rubbed his eyes again, confused. She stood up awkwardly and he looked at her, waiting for her response.

“I…” Caroline swallowed, noticing the knot in her throat. It was supposed that there would not be more moments like those, there were supposed not to be more tears. “I’ll go find Damon, okay?”

Caroline left the room, breathing hard, and once she was outside, she leaned against the wall, covering her mouth with her hand. This could not be happening, not now that she had finally got him back.

Damon showed up at the end of the hallway after climbing the stairs with a plate of pancakes in hand as he hummed softly. When he saw Caroline, when he saw her glassy eyes and her broken face, he stopped singing, smiling and walking.

Caroline could not help but collapse and started to cry, covering her face with her hands. Damon put the place of pancakes on a furniture quickly and walked toward her, more confused than ever.

“Blondie? Hey, what’s wrong? Stefan has woken up, shouldn’t you be jumping?” he asked, not knowing if he wanted to know the answer.

Caroline sobbed and uncovered her face, wiping her cheeks with her hands. She shook her head and swallowed.

“He doesn’t remember me” she said, feeling the tears in her cheeks again. “He… He’s forgotten me” she covered her face again, not knowing what else she should do or say. She wished she was not crying in front of Damon, but this was too much to take.

Damon gaped at her. He looked around, feeling lost.

“That… Valerie had to make it permanent” Damon gritted. “I’m going to kill her. I’m going to…”

Damon closed his mouth at seeing that Caroline could not stop sobbing, her shoulders shaking. He huffed in frustration and put, after hesitating a bit, one hand on her shoulder to soothe her.

“We’ll find a solution, we’ll fix this” he said, not very convinced. Caroline sniffed, raised her head and shook it, without looking at him.  
“I have o go” she said weakly.  
“What?”   
“I can’t be here, I…” Caroline put her hair behind her ear with a shaking hand. “I can’t do this.”

Caroline walked past him to head to the stairs but Damon grabbed her arm. Caroline closed her eyes patiently.

“Damon, please” she begged.  
“You said you wouldn’t give up on him. You said you’d help him remember.”

Caroline stared at the ground for some seconds. She was not sobbing anymore, but tears could not stop falling from her eyes, silently. She looked up at him and Damon was able to see the same look she had had for months after Stefan left. And that could not mean any good.

“Yes, I said that, because he hadn’t forgotten me completely yet. Because he still kept some memories of me, he still knew who I was. There was a way. Now… Now he doesn’t know who I am, he doesn’t remember me at all. Nothing, as if…” her lower lip trembled and she felt her legs shaking. It looked like another of her nightmares. “As if I had never existed.”  
“Blondie…”  
“I’m done” she shook her head with closed eyes. “I’m done” she repeated, trying to convince herself. “She won. Valerie won.”  
“Bonnie must know what to do, I’m sure that-”  
“Damon” Caroline let out a long sigh and looked intently at him. “Let me go.”

Damon looked at her and then nodded. She turned around, and Damon clenched his jaw when he heard the front door closing.

_Damon opened his eyes and frowned when he heard the door close. It was 4 in the morning, and Stefan was not the kind of guy who usually comes home at that hour of the night._

_He went downstairs and found him pouring himself a glass of bourbon, staggering. Was he drunk?_

_“Hey, hey” he said, snatching the bottle from his hands. Stefan looked at him, trying to focus him. “Who do you think you are to drink my bourbon? My brother?”_

_Stefan laughed with disdain and took a long sip._

_“Are you drunk?” Damon asked him._  
_“I think I am” Stefan said._  
_“All right, come on” Damon said, grabbing his arm to lead him to the stairs._  
_“Damon, wait” Stefan stopped. “I need you to promise me something.”_

_Damon looked at him with curiosity._

_“Promise me… If anything happens to me, if I’m not here someday… You’ll take care of Caroline.”_

_Stefan  looked at him with a straight face and Damon laughed._

_“You really are drunk, huh?” he said._  
_“Damon” Stefan did not move. “She’s strong, she’s amazing…” he smiled sadly, looking away. “But I need to know that you’ll take care of her. Promise me.”_  
_“Yeah, yeah” Damon rolled his eyes but Stefan insisted, looking at him with narrowed eyes. “Really! I promise! Okay? What did you drink anyway?”_

_Damon finally managed to grab his arm and drag him upstairs to walk him to his bedroom. The last thing he heard from him before closing the door was how he muttered sleepily that Caroline was the best thing that had ever happened to him._

* * *

~~June 2018.~~

Stefan went downstairs and headed to the door, but stopped when he saw Damon sitting on the couch with a glass in hand and a kind of book on his lap. He walked towards him with his hands in his pockets and sighed when he saw that it was a photo album.

“Stop torturing yourself” he said. Damon looked up at him with a questioning look. “It’s the third time I see you looking at Elena’s pictures.”  
“Mm” Damon took a sip. “I’m not in depressive mood, Stefan, if that’s what you’re thinking. I accepted what happened a long time ago.”

Stefan nodded, surprised to hear his answer. Who would have said. Damon turned a page and Stefan was able to see Caroline in one of the pictures, hugging Elena as they both laughed. He rubbed his neck and Damon looked at him from the corner of his eye with a smirk.

“Anything you’d like to ask me?”  
“Well, uh…” Stefan cleared his throat, trying not to make eye contact with Damon. “I was wondering… That girl” Stefan sat beside him and pointed at Caroline with his head. “She was here the day I woke up after you found me and… Well” Stefan scratched his chin and Damon squinted, enjoying the moment of confusion of his brother, “she left and hasn’t come back here. Caroline, right?”  
“Aha.”  
“Well, where is she?” he asked. “Does he live here in Mystic Falls? How do you know her?”  
“So many questions” Damon said.  
“Considering she was with me when I woke up… I wonder who she is, Damon, don’t you think? It seemed as if…”

Stefan looked down at the ground and Damon stared at him with interest.

“As if what?”  
“As if we knew each other, I don’t know” Stefan shrugged. Damon pursed his lips to keep from smiling.  
“Yeah, well… Caroline is like that” Damon said. “She’s from Mystic Falls, a Bonnie and Elena’s friend.”

Stefan nodded and glanced at the photograph in which she appeared.

“Is she like us?” he asked.  
“Aha.”  
“Where is she?”  
“Where is this sudden interest coming from? You look like a teenager with a crush.”

Stefan remained silent, frowning. Damon looked at him with wide eyes and then burst into laughing.

“You like Caroline” he said. “You like her!” he repeated, surprised. “That’s why I caught you the other day watching these photo albums! You wanted to know if she appeared in the photos.”  
“Damon…”  
“That’s why you asked Bonnie about her when she was here the other day with Enzo” he continued.  
“Damon.”  
“You like Caroline!” Damon insisted, patting his arm. Stefan rolled his eyes.  
“No, I don’t” Stefan said, not convinced.  
“Of course not” Damon winked at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”  
“I don’t want you to help me, and I don’t want you to intervene, I don’t want you to do anything. I simply wondered why she left suddenly. She looked sad when she left and I wanted to know if she’s okay. I mean, she seemed a good person, and she looked worried, and…” Stefan sighed. “Okay, done, where does she live?”

Damon smirked.

* * *

_Caroline snorted and  looked at Stefan askance as he moved his leg to the beat of Bon Jovi’s music. They, well, he, was watching one of his shows in a music TV channel. The remote control was on his thigh, and Caroline was trying to think of ways to take it without him realizing._

_“Don’t you dare” Stefan said, waking her up from her thoughts. Caroline rolled her eyes. He knew her too well._  
_“What are you accusing me of?” she asked innocently._  
_“You know perfectly well” he said with a hint of a smile, still staring at the TV._

_Caroline crawled towards him on the couch and Stefan grabbed the remote control instinctively without looking at her._

_“I wasn’t going to take it” she said, resting her head against his upper arm._  
_“Mm” Stefan wrapped her with his arm and she rested her head on his chest as she kissed her on the crown._

_Caroline grinned. She threw her head back slightly to look up at him, ad then pressed her lips on his jaw line.  Stefan tensed automatically, holding his breath._

_“I’m in the mood” she whispered seductively against his neck before pressing her lips against his.”_

_Stefan seemed to be too, because he forgot about the remote control and the show completely and responded to the kiss intensely, caressing her thigh with one hand and biting her lower lip furiously._

_It was the perfect moment for Caroline to get away with it, to take the remote control and vamp speed to the other end of the couch, chuckling. Stefan was completely frozen, looking confused. He blinked a few times and looked at her with raised eyebrows in disbelief._

_“Really?”_  
_“Really” she said, changing the channel. Stefan looked at the TV screen with his mouth open._  
_“Love Actually? Again?!”_  
_“Aha.”_  
_“We’ve watched it a thousand times, Caroline.”_  
_“And you can listen to Bon Jovi in the car, in my room when you steal my laptop sneakily and look for his playlist on Youtube, or…”_

_Caroline could not finish because Stefan had pounced on her to try to take the remote control. However, she was fast and stretched her arm to keep it out of his reach. Stefan took the opportunity to bite her waist playfully._

_“Stefan!” Caroline exclaimed, pushing him away with a kick. She got up and walked around the couch to stay out of his reach now. “Las time we said no bites.”_  
_“Last time you said I could have the remote control this month. Is that a stain on the wall?”_  
_“What?!”_

_Stefan used the distraction to snatch the remote control. Caroline pursed her lips and glared at him. He shrugged._

_“If you can play dirty, so can I” he said._

_Caroline jumped on him, clinging to him as if she was a monkey, to take the remote control. Both struggled, trying not to laugh, since they both were too proud and wanted to win at all costs. But when Stefan had to move his arm quickly to dodge Caroline’s hand, he hit a vase on one of the tables of the living room. It felt and hit the floor loudly._

_Stefan stopped suddenly, remaining paralyzed, and fearing for his life more than ever. Caroline stared at the pieces of the vase with her mouth half open, not reacting. Stefan looked at her, waiting for her to say or do something. She then looked at him as if she was going to yell, but when she saw his messy hair, she started to laugh uncontrollably. Stefan sighed with relief and joined her, laughing. He had actually feared for his life._

_Minutes later, they both were sitting on the floor, around the pieces of the vase, trying to glue it and fix it. Not successfully though._

_“You’re crazy for me huh?” Stefan said suddenly._  
_“What?”_  
_“Well, I’ve broken one of your vases and you haven’t killed me. You must be crazy for me” Stefan said with a wide smile, very proud of himself. Caroline rolled her eyes._  
_“Ah!”_  
_“What?” Stefan looked up. Caroline had cut herself with a sharp side of one of the pieces. “Wait, let me…” Stefan took her hand and sucked the small cut on her finger. Caroline stared at him, feeling a tingle in her stomach. “Mm, you don’t taste bad, Caroline Forbes, not at all and…”_

_Caroline jumped on him again, this time to kiss him._

She closed the journal and dropped it on her lap, rubbing her forehead, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh. Caroline shook her head with a sad smile, wondering what the hell she was doing, rereading again some of his journals. She glanced at the other end of the couch, where he used to sit.

She reached out to take the cushion of his side and buried her face on it, inhaling his scent. It was still there, impregnated, not wanting to say goodbye. As she refused to do, despite having said goodbye so many times. She always came back. Now to his memories, again.

A tear fell down her cheek and she let herself drop on the couch, hugging the cushion, feeling dizzy in her own sadness. She wondered if he would be doing okay without her, and then she regretted doing so. Of course he was doing okay, he did not know who she was, he did not remember her. He had the opportunity to start again, maybe even fall in love.

She felt as if she was suffocating at the thought. Would that be her life from now on? Would she just try to realize that she would live her eternity being in love with someone that did not remember her?

The doorbell rang and Caroline snorted. She could not believe that he was there, again. Damon never gave up, and his renewed optimism made her angry.

“Go away” she said, knowing that he would be able to hear her without raising her voice. “I’m not having this conversation again, Damon.”  
“I’m the other brother, actually. Stefan.”

Caroline felt her body tense suddenly, her heart started beating at a rate that was not healthy, and her legs started to shake. Stefan was there. She had tried to avoid him by all means. She had not put a foot in the house since he had woken up, she did not use to walk around the town, and she never visited Bonnie and Enzo unless she was sure that Stefan was not there.

She rose and dropped the cushion on the couch. She stared at the closed door, seeing his shadow and silhouette behind the curtains of it. His hands in his pockets as he looked down, waiting.

A thousand of memories came to her mind, a thousand of moments in which she had seen the same thing. Stefan there, waiting behind the door with a smile; or just him opening it himself as if he was home.

She grabbed the doorknob and tried to calm down and soothe her breathing. She blinked several times and closed her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath. When she opened the door, Stefan looked up at her.

Caroline thought her legs were going to fail her, but she made a great effort not to collapse. He gaped at her for a moment. He did not seem to know what to say, he looked nervous.

“Hey” he finally said, nodding his head with a little smile. “Damon told me where you…”

Stefan closed his mouth when he saw the shirt that she was wearing. Caroline frowned, not knowing why he was speechless.

“I have the same shirt” he said with a smile.

Caroline looked down at it and them remember that it was actually his shirt. Her hands began to sweat. Obviously he did not remember that. Stefan looked over her shoulder to the house.

“Nice house” he said.  
“Thanks” she put her hair behind her ear. “Mm, what…? What are you doing here?”  
“Oh, look, I was near and… Damon’s birthday is next week and I know you two are friends, and he told me you’re great at organizing parties and events, and it turns out I’m awful at it. Not that the idea of holding a party at my house really attracts me, but… I was wondering if, maybe, you’d like to help me?”

Caroline looked at him, not knowing what to say.

“Please” he said, staring into her eyes with that face that he used to put, with that irresistible look that she could not say not to.  
“Yeah, I guess I can help you” she said.  
“Great” he smiled sincerely and Caroline could not help but hold her breath. “I’ll call you.”  
“Okay” she nodded and Stefan did the same before turning around and walking away.

Caroline closed the door and leaned her back against it, her hand on her chest.

_Caroline looked at herself in the mirror and smiled as Stefan moved under the sheets, opening his eyes slowly._

_“What are you doing?” he muttered sleepily._  
_“Dressing. I have class in an hour” she said. She looked around for her jeans. Stefan saw them on the floor next to his bedside and took them._  
_“Looking for this?”_  
_“Finally” she said, walking over to the bed to take them, but Stefan dodged her. Caroline raised her eyebrows and folded her arms._  
_“Stay” he said with a smile. Caroline tilted her head and smiled._  
_“Stefan…”_  
_“Stay” he repeated. “You’re wearing my shirt.”_  
_“Yeah, it’s mine now” she explained._  
_“Without my permission?”_  
_“I don’t need your permission, Stefan” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m your girlfriend.”_

_Stefan chuckled, grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. Caroline laughed too, shaking her head, as he pushed her against the bed to get on top of her. He watched her carefully, her lips, her collarbone, her neck, her eyes. She blushed a little, remembering something, and cleared her throat._

_“Uh… Do you remember what you said yesterday?” she asked._  
_“When? I said many things” he said, although he knew perfectly well what she meant._  
_“Well, uh… When we were… you know.”_  
_“Mm?” Stefan looked at her with a questioning look._  
_“After you… You know, you told me…”_  
_“I love you. Yes, I know.”_

_Caroline stared into his eyes, unable to not smile. Of all the times that she had imagined Stefan would say those words, he had said them as they made love. And she could not stop thinking about it. No one had told her ‘I love you’ at a moment like that, and it made her feel the most special woman on Earth._

She sighed. Now she understood why Stefan had told her that he loved her the last time they were together in bed. The last time he said it was like the first one.

* * *

“Thank you for inviting me. I was so bored in New York.”

Caroline smiled appreciatively at Daniel after ringing the doorbell of the boarding house, both of them waiting for someone to open the door.

“So… These are your friends?” he asked her. Caroline nodded. “You couldn’t find your ripper?”  
“No” she said dryly. Daniel could tell that she did not want to talk about it, so he chose not to ask again. He held out his arm and Caroline took it. “Well, then we’ll have fun like we’ve never before.”

The door opened and Damon froze at seeing Caroline’s companion. He looked

The door opened and Damon was something stopped to see the companion Caroline. He analyzed him slowly.

“And you are?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.  
“Daniel!” he said, taking off his jacket to give it to Damon.  
“Uh… Daniel, he’s Damon” Caroline said, pursing her lips to keep from laughing. Damon looked at her with narrowed eyes. Daniel stepped back quickly.  
“Oh! Sorry, I thought you were the doorman. Happy birthday man.”  
“Come in” Damon said with a fake smile.

The music was heard throughout the house at full volume. There were waiters and waitresses serving drinks and snacks. And there were dozens of people that none of them knew, as usual.

Daniel clapped enthusiastically and headed to one of the large rooms were people were dancing. Caroline was about to follow him but Damon grabbed her arms.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.  
“Coming to your birthday party? I already wished you a happy birthday this morning in a text.”  
“No, blondie. I mean what is that attempt of boyfriend doing here” he said, pointing at him with his head.  
“He’s a friend. I hadn’t seen him for a while and I thought it’d be nice to invite him” she explained.  
“What a coincidence” Damon mumbled, looking around.  
“What do you mean by that, Damon?” she asked, pushing his arm away to fold her arms.  
“Isn’t it obvious?”  
“Enlighten me, please.  
“You’ve invited your replacement boy to the party to avoid Stefan and keep yourself busy all the time” he said accusingly.  
“I’m not…”  
“Yes, you are!”

Caroline clenched her jaw and glared at him. She turned around to follow Daniel and not to punch Damon.

“Whatever” he gritted.

* * *

Stefan took a sip of his beer, his back against the wall and his hand in the pocket of his jeans. He was trying not to, but he could not help but look askance at Caroline from time to time. She was talking to Daniel, smiling occasionally, but something told him that she did not seem very happy.

He sighed, looking down. That had not gone as he had planned. Something pushed him towards her. He could not stop thinking about the way she smiled when he woke up and opened his eyes. When he woke up after the attack of the heretics, she was the first person he saw. That face, those eyes, that smile. He was going crazy. He was losing his mind. There was no other possible explanation.

“So?”

Stefan woke up from his reverie when he heard Damon, who took his beer to give it a stip. Stefan looked at him with a questioning face.

“What are you waiting for?” Damon said, pointing at Caroline with the bottle. “I didn’t tell you to ask her help you organize my birthday just for you to stand there like a frightened kid.”

Stefan rolled his eyes and took the bottle. Damon gave him a little push.

“She’s busy right now, don’t you see?” Stefan said, a bit annoyed. “Who is that?”

Damon shrugged, glancing at Daniel.

“Is he… her boyfriend?” Stefan asked.  
“What? Of course not! At least I don’t think so” Damon said. He grabbed Stefan’s arm and dragged him towards them.  
“What are you doing?” Stefan asked, trying to escape.  
“How is it going, guys?” Damon said. Caroline and Daniel stopped talking to look at them. Damon released Stefan and smiled at them widely. Stefan pursed his lips, somewhat embarrassed, and looked at Caroline to greet her with a wave of his hand. She gave him a shy smile, but looked away quickly, something that made him feel as if someone had kicked him in the stomach. “Daniel, why don’t you com with me? I’ll introduce you to a witchy friend. You’ll have fun.”  
“Damon” Caroline muttered, but he ignored her and grabbed Daniel, who was keen to meet more supernatural beings.

Caroline looked at the ground for a few seconds before looking up at Stefan, who rubbed his neck.

“Uh… Would you like to dance?” he asked. Caroline gaped at him.  
“Sorry, what?”  
“You haven’t danced yet and I was wondering if…” Stefan looked around, watching the people dance, “you’d like to dance with me.  
“You hate dancing” she blurted without thinking.  
“No doubt I do” he said, laughing. “But I thought that maybe you… Wait, how do you know I hate dancing?”

_Caroline walked among the guests to reach Stefan, who was sitting on a stool next to the drinks table. When he saw her, he left his beer on the table and reached out so she would take his hand._

_She grinned and got close to him, standing in the space between his legs, putting her arms around his neck. Stefan put his on her waist and looked stunned at her._

_“Great party” he said. “As usual, exceeding expectations.”_  
_“I told you Bonnie would like the piñata” she said, pleased. “And did you see that she’s dancing with Enzo?” Caroline looked over her shoulder to look at them and smiled._  
_“Mm.”_

_Caroline looked back at him and rolled her eyes._

_“Well, we have finished here. Bonnie has broken her piñata, we sang happy birthday to her, she has blown the candles, and we’ve given her gifts to her, so… We can leave if you want” she said, looking around. Stefan frowned._  
_“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he asked._  
_“Mm, no?”_  
_“You haven’t danced with me” Stefan jumped off the stool, still his hands on her hips_  
_“You hate dancing” she recalled, laughing._  
_“No if it’s with you” he took her hand, kissed her knuckles, and led her to the dance floor._

Caroline looked at him for a moment, not knowing what to say as he looked amused.

“Damon, uh… Damon told me. A long time ago. Well, he and Elena did, and Bonnie. It was a casual conversation and…”

Stefan looked at her trying not to smile at seeing how she could non stop rambling. He took her hand without thinking and Caroline stopped, holding her breath and looking at their joined hands.

“Come on” he sad, pointing at where everyone was dancing with his head.   
“Uh… I…”

Both were startled when they heard a loud noise coming from the kitchen and Stefan released her hands. Yells and more noise were heard, it looked like someone was fighting. Damon appeared with a scowled and looked at Stefan to indicate that he should go with him to the kitchen.

“Sorry, I have to…”

Caroline nodded and watched him as he walked away with Damon. She looked at her hand and realized she was shaking. She was too immersed in her own thoughts, trying to relax, when she heard Damon calling her from the kitchen.

When she opened the door, she saw Damon holding Stefan against the wall. Only that more than Stefan, he seemed the Ripper. With dark eyes, the veins on his face, and the fangs showing, like a predator.

“A little bit of help?” Damon asked her as she looked around in horror.

Two of the guests had had a fight, apparently, and probably due to some girl. One of them had his knuckles bleeding, and Stefan seemed to want to pounce on him as the boys looked scared at him.

Stefan groaned, trying to shake Damon off.

“Blondie?!” Damon insisted. Caroline reacted and walked towards him.  
“Stefan, hey…” Caroline put her hand on his arm but he ignored her. He had his eyes on the boy. Until Caroline took his hand. “Stefan.”

It was like a reflex. As soon as he felt her delicate little hand holding his, he turned to her, completely forgetting the smell of blood, the bloodlust. Caroline stared into his eyes as Damon compelled the guys to forget and continue drinking and enjoying the party.

“Listen to my voice, okay?” she said tenderly, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. Stefan stared at her, watching her lips. Damon looked at them from the corner of his eye with narrowed eyes, feeling that he was interrupting some very intimate moment.  
“Can you take our little monster to his bedroom while I clean all this mess? There are some drops of blood on the counter” Damon said. Caroline nodded.  
“Come with me” she said to Stefan, pulling his hand gently out of the kitchen. He followed her without saying anything, focused on her hair.

When they went out of the kitchen, Damon smiled, shaking his head. It was kind of funny. As soon as Stefan had forgotten Caroline, he had also lost the reason why he had learned to keep control.

* * *

Caroline opened the door of his room and headed to the bed, pulling his hand. Stefan was silent, looking down with a look of regret. She sat down and he did the same. He looked at their joined hands with a slight frown and Caroline realized that his veins, dark eyes, and fangs were gone.

“I’m sorry” he murmured.  
“Stefan, hey… It’s okay” she gave him an affectionate squeeze and Stefan snorted, shaking his head.  
“No, it’s not. I don’t know what happened. I thought I had it under control, there was something…” he frowned even more, confused “that made me keep control and it’s as if it was gone somehow.”

Caroline looked down. It was torture.

“And yet, it’s been enough that you… I don’t know how you did it, but it was hearing your voice and the bloodlust has gone” he said. Caroline gave him a thankful little smile, but she looked away quickly. Stefan, however, kept looking at her intently. “It’s crazy, but it’s like… we knew each other from another place, another…”  
“I think the bloodlust has affected your brain” she said quickly. Stefan laughed. “I’m not kidding, you may have some effect of…”  
“You’re cute.”

Caroline looked at him. Stefan smiled, looking down as she felt her heart skip a beat.

“You’re so good with the vampire thing” he said. Caroline watched how he played with their fingers. How could that be happening? How could they be so comfortable when he did not know who she was?

 _“You’re so good at it. At being a vampire.”  
“Because of you, Stefan. _ _I’m good at it because of you.”_

“Because someone taught me” Caroline said.  
“Sounds like he was a good teacher” he said. She smiled slightly.  
“Yeah…”  
“And now you’ve taught me” he said, giving her a playful nudge. Then he dropped his hand on the mattress behind her, moving closer to her. He led their hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles as she held her breathing. “Thank you again.”  
“I should…” Caroline cleared her throat. “I should go back and-”  
“Your boyfriend is waiting?” he asked suddenly, changing the tone of his voice a little.  
“My what?”  
“The guy who you came with.”  
“Oh, no, no. He’s not my boyfriend at all” she explained.  
“So, you don’t have a boyfriend?”  
“No… Well, I was with someone” she said, looking into his eyes. “Some time ago, but… It didn’t end well.”  
“What happened?” Stefan asked.  
“He…” Caroline smiled sadly. “He forgot me.”

Stefan frowned, surprised.

“What an idiot” he said. Caroline could not help but let out a brief laugh.  
“It wasn’t his fault, actually” she said.  _It wasn’t your fault._  
“How could anyone forget someone like you?”

They looked at each other for a few seconds that seemed eternal for her. She felt how her heart started beating fast when his gaze landed on her lips as he stroked her hand with his thumb. Stefan was bringing his face close to hers slowly, and he gulped. Caroline could not help but lift her other hand to place it against his chest and grip his shirt, to which he replied with a little smile, closing his eyes, and finally brushing her lips. Caroline closed her eyes too, feeling every sense of her body waking up, and asking just for one thing: him.

When she felt his tongue battling hers, he placed her hand on his neck, pulling him closer to her. Stefan smiled against her lips and dropped his hand on her thigh, squeezing gently.

_Until you’re ready. And when you are, I’ll still be here._   
_You always remember._   
_It’ll always be because of you._   
_Because if you don’t remember me, then what am I?_   
_But what about me? Do you remember me?_   
_Because if you weren’t here, I don’t know what I would do._   
_Caroline, I don’t want you to come with me._   
_Because if I was able to hate him, everything would be easier. But I can’t._   
_Sometimes I hear him, he talks to me, I hear his laugh like an echo that has stayed home._   
_Don’t even say his name._   
_I’ve been going crazy thinking it was my fault, thinking I wasn’t enough for him._   
_Because it’s you. You are you. Tell me that you haven’t forgotten me._   
_I’m already forgetting you._   
_I will remember for the both of us._   
_I forgive you._   
_Who are you?_


	8. VIII

**CHAPTER VIII.**

_Forever._

Caroline pushed him away suddenly, memories flooding her mind.

“No, wait” she said. “This isn’t right.”  
“On the contrary” he said, breathing hard. “I think it’s the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.”

Caroline’s eyes filled with tears, and Stefan stopped smiling and looked worried at her.

“Caroline?”

“I have to go” she said, standing up and releasing his hand. “Sorry, I…”  
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he rose, trying to catch her hand again to soothe her, but she dodged him.  
“I have to go.”

She walked away briskly, feeling as if she was drowning all over again, and as if that feeling of fear would never go away. Because she did not know what happiness was anymore. Because she was scared of being happy.

* * *

“So, you scared her” Damon said, folding his arms as Stefan picked up some empty plastic cups that were on the floor. The party was finally over and Damon had just learned that Caroline had left in the middle of it.  
“What? I didn’t scare her, I just…”  
“Then what the hell did you do for her to leave just like that?” Damon asked, rubbing his eyes.  
“I…” Stefan looked at his brother from the corner of the eye, wondering whether telling him or not. “I kissed her.”

Damon opened his eyes and looked at him with raised eyebrows in surprise.

“You what?”  
“I don’t know what is happening to me, okay? She was there, and… Damon, she has an effect on me that I can’t understand or control” Stefan ran his hand over his face, letting out a sigh.  
“I wonder why” Damon muttered, looking away. However, Stefan was able to hear him perfectly.  
“What did you say?”

Damon looked at him with tightened jaw. He seemed to be having a mental dilemma, torn between opening his mouth and telling the truth, regardless of the consequences that it would entail, or remaining quiet.

“Don’t you find it a bit weird?” he snapped, unable to contain himself. Stefan frowned and looked at him with a questioning look. “Isn’t it strange that you have this kind of… strange connection with her? Isn’t it strange that without knowing her at all, you feel that something pushes you towards her, that you should be with her? That she makes you happy just spending time with her? That you want to be around her all the time? That she’s the only one who is able to calm you when your ripper side shows up? Damn it, Stefan, think!”

Stefan looked intently at Damon, surprised. Damon pursed his lips, realizing what he had just done. Although he was not sure that he regretted it.

“Spit it out” Stefan said, realizing that there was something odd about everything. Damon opened his mouth without saying a word.  
“Forget it” he finally said, thinking that Caroline was going to kill him.  
“You’re hiding something, so I suggest you tell me, Damon.”

Stefan took a step towards him, his gaze fixed on him, with a serious face. Damon stared back at him, thinking about the possibilities. Who he was kidding? He knew that sooner or later, he would end up telling him everything. He wanted to. He opened his mouth, ready to do it once and for all.

“Damon” Bonnie said.

Stefan turned to the brunette and Damon looked over his brother’s shoulder at her. She looked at him, giving him a warning look.

“Can you help me in the kitchen? Enzo refuses to watch the dishes” she said after clearing her throat. Damon snorted.  
“Sure” he said, rolling his eyes. Bonnie nodded. Damon walked past Stefan, but the latter took his arm.   
“Damon, we’re not done” he said.  
“Forget it, okay? I’m half drunk, I don’t even know what I’m saying” Damon said, pulling away to follow Bonnie.

Stefan clenched his jaw and looked at the floor. He patted the pocket of his jeans and pulled his phone out, but then he realized that he did not have her phone number.

* * *

The next morning, Damon sat on his bed after having called her for the fourth time. He could not reproach her, though. She had her right. Maybe it was time to let go, to give up with that stupid mission of acting as Cupid between Caroline and his brother. He had tried, in part because he felt guilty for all the times that Stefan had been unhappy because of him; in part because he felt that he owed it to Caroline after the last years and having hidden the truth when Stefan left.

His gaze landed on the wardrobe, half open, and noticed for the first time something on the top shelf. He frowned, standing up, and walked until he stood in front of the furniture and was able to grab the box. Now he remembered. When he had been moving Stefan’s boxes from one side to another, not knowing where to put them, he had to have forgotten one there.

He turned it over the mattress to drop everything that was inside. It did not have only journals, but also photographs and other things that symbolized memories of Stefan and Caroline and that he did not know anything about. Except for the small box with the engagement ring.

Stefan had wanted to marry Caroline, and although the first time he saw the ring, he thought the idea was a little stupid considering that they were vampires, he thought that he was starting to understand. To understand them. And to understand what they had.

He shook his head, letting out a sigh, taking one of the photographs in which Caroline and Stefan appeared together. He had never seen Stefan so happy. He took one of the journals randomly and opened it. After reading some pages in which his brother had written about the spell and the memory loss, he found a piece of text that caught his attention.

> _I remember, and I wish I could not forget, the moment in which I realized once again, that the wait was worthy. That she would always be worthy. Because when she said that I made her happy, I knew again that she was the one. I knew that I would not mind spending my whole eternity by her side, that I did not care about being a vampire anymore if that meant being with her forever. She saved me, in every way, in every sense someone can save a person. And I need to write it because I need to remember it, and know that she appeared just when I needed her. Being there, showing me that loving and being loved is not impossible, or hard, or bitter. She gave meaning to everything. She was the calm in my storm, despite putting my world upside down. I know that no one, ever, will be able to make me happy as she did. Caroline, you are indispensable._

Damon looked over the journal, at the photograph. She made him happy, more than anyone else, more than anything. She was the only thing that made him feel complete.

Maybe it was worth trying one last time.

* * *

Caroline opened the door and Damon gave her a wide smile. However, it faded from his face when he could glimpse the boxes in the living room. She was leaving.

“Uo, uo, uo, what are you doing?” he asked her, going into the house even if she had not invited him. Caroline rolled her eyes and closed the door before turning to him.  
“Going back to New York” she said.  
“What? I think I must have misunderstood, but it seems as if you said going back to New York” Damon said, looking at the boxes.  
“You heard me perfectly, Damon” Caroline walked over to the open box on the table to keep putting the DVDs inside.  
“Where are Stefan’s journals?”  
“Kept in boxes, upstairs” she said without looking at him. “I… I was going to send you a message to tell you to come collect them.”  
“After leaving, right? You weren’t going to say goodbye, or…”  
“Stop” Caroline dropped the DVDs inside the box and turned to him. “Stop whatever you’re doing. I can’t do it, what part of that you don’t understand, Damon? I can’t pretend nothing happened. I can’t keep looking into his eyes and realize that he’ll never remember me.”

Damon hissed, grabbed Caroline’s wrist and made her sit down on the couch.

“All right, blondie, now you’re going to shut up and listen, okay?” Damon stared at her, and Caroline opened her mouth to complain but she closed it when he glared at her. Caroline pursed her lips and folded her arms. “I know what you’re going through, because, you know?, I went through it too.”  
“Damon…”  
“Elena decided to erase all the memories she had of me, and when I knew that she didn’t remember that we had been together, I wanted… I was angry, so angry, even at her. But then… Everything fit again, and what looked like a lost cause, turned out to be a second chance. Kind of.”

Caroline looked at him in silence. Damon shrugged.

“I know exactly what you’re going through, and I know you think you don’t deserve to be happy” Damon rolled his eyes. Caroline glanced at the floor. “You’re scared of giving yourself a chance because you think that as soon as you’re happy again, something bad will happen and it’ll make you miserable.”

Caroline felt a knot in her throat and swallowed.

“But you know what? If you don’t give yourself a chance, you’ll ever know if it could have worked or not. And you know? Stefan may be an idiot, but he’s still super into you” Damon nudged her playfully and Caroline shook her head. “I’ve read one of his journals, one I didn’t give to you.”

Caroline looked up at him.

“And what I’ve read has shown me again that you’re the only one who can make him happy. According to his words, he knew too.”  
“Damon…”  
“Just think about it, give him a chance. You know that won’t be able to happy if you’re not with him.”  
“It’s too complicated” she said. “What am I supposed to do? Not telling him the truth? I can’t lie to him, he doesn’t deserve it.”  
“That depends on you” he said. “Although I think that deep down, he has a kind of feeling about you. I think he knows something is up, but he’s afraid to admit it. Besides, blondie, there are always loopholes. Who knows? Maybe we’ll find a way to bring his memories back.”  
“I don’t know, Damon…”  
“And it’s not as if everything was lost, it’s not like Stefan was dead” he said.

Caroline looked at him in silence, unable to believe that Damon Salvatore had just given her a speech of optimism.

“Look, call me selfish, but I need my brother to be happy. And I know the only person who makes him happy, it’s you” Damon stood up. “Think about it.”

Damon looked at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her response. Caroline nodded.

“But do it fast, because…”  
“Damon.”  
“Yeah, yeah, I’m leaving.”

He winked at her before closing the door behind him. Caroline reached under the cushion to look at the picture of Stefan and her that she had hidden when Damon had knocked on the door.

_But… when I’m with you, I’m happy._

* * *

Stefan knocked on the door. Once, twice. He sighed and finally opened it.

“Damon?” he asked, thinking that he would be in the bathroom. However, he was surprised to see that there was no sign of him.

He was looking for him to ask him for Caroline’s phone number in order to call her and apologize. Or just talk to her, hear her voice. Maybe start over with her and get to know her slowly instead of wanting to speed things up.

He glanced at the desk to see if Damon had left his phone, but it was not there. He snorted when he saw the doors of the wardrobe open and closed them, shaking his head. He turned to leave, but then he saw it. Everything.

One of his journals face down on the bed. He took it, confused. He had left the habit of writing years ago, and he remembered that he had burned all his journals when he had amnesia. But it was, without any doubt, the kind of journal in which he used to write. Maybe Damon had kept one of them, or maybe he had forgotten this one. Maybe.

Stefan stared at the words, reading each one of them, reading the truth, which hit him hard. His mind tried to assimilate the information, the reveal of what had happened to him that he did not remember. Everything was there. Every bit of information about the heretics, their threat, Valerie’s spell, and  _her_. Caroline.

He closed the journal and clenched his fists, squeezing the material with his fingers. His eyes wandered around the room, thinking about everything that they had taken away from him, thinking about the hole that his life had become. His eyes landed on the picture and the ring. The journal had covered them, but now he could see them perfectly.

He took the picture and looked at her, smiling behind him, with her arms around his neck. Happy.

And he could only think about one thing.

* * *

“May I repeat for the third time that I knew you’d come without a second thought?” Damon said, opening the door of the Boarding house. Caroline rolled her eyes.  
“Will you shut up?” she said. “I can’t believe you stayed behind the door, waiting for me to come out.”  
“Because I knew that you wouldn’t need more than 2 minutes to decide that I’m a wise person who is right” Damon headed to the stairs. “Stefan?!”

They went upstairs and walked over to Stefan’s room, but he was not there. Damon frowned, wondering where the hell he would be.

“Weird” he mumbled.  
“Where is he? Call him” Caroline said.  
“Now you’re in a hurry?” Damon asked with a smirk, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Caroline snorted.  
“Damon, I hope it’s clear that when I talk to him, you’re not going to be present.”  
“Yes, yes…”

Damon looked at the screen of his phone willing to call him but then he realized. He turned around and left the bedroom.

“Damon?” Caroline followed him, confused, until they both entered his room.

Damon stared at the bed and realized that the journal and photograph were not there. Caroline looked at him, waiting for him to explain what was happening.

“What?” she asked. Damon did not say anything, dialled Stefan’s number quickly and put the phone against his ear.

No one answered.

“Shit” Damon said through gritted teeth.  
“What? What’s going on?” Caroline insisted.  
“We have a problem.”

* * *

Damon was driving, and Caroline was sitting in the passenger seat, touching her necklace nervously as she glanced at the rearview mirrow from time to time to look at Bonnie, who was sitting in the back seat with a map on her lap, whispering words that she could not understand.

The locator spell marked Lynchburg, a city near Mystic Falls. The black spot representing Stefan was located in an area in the suburbs of the city.

Damon had his eyes fixed on the road, and Caroline was too worried to say a single word. Bonnie was the only one who talked sometimes, telling Damon what direction he should take.

No one knew what had happened, but Caroline had a sneaking suspicion, and she knew that Damon had it too. Stefan had to read the journal, see the picture and the ring, finding out the truth, finding out that his mind had forgotten memories of his life, forgotten her. He had found out that he had been with a person for months and that, apparently, he was happy with her; he had found out that he was going to ask her to marry him; and finally he had found out that Valerie had taken everything away from him with a spell. Caroline knew him well enough to know that, as soon as he learned the truth, Stefan would want revenge for what they had done to him.

And that terrified her. Because, what chance did Stefan have against the heretics? Fighting them had never gone well. And she felt guilty. Maybe if she had not been so stupid, maybe if she had been closer to him, all of that would not be happening now. Maybe if she had told him the truth, Stefan could have taken it differently.

Caroline looked askance to Damon, who was grabbing the wheel tightly with his hands. She knew that he was as worried as her. Stefan was his little brother after all, and she had learned to understand that Damon loved Stefan unconditionally. As much as she did.

Damon seemed to feel her gaze on him, because he looked at her from the corner of the eye blankly, quickly. Caroline frowned and felt how her hands began to sweat.

“Damon?” she asked in a whisper.  
“We’re almost there” he said, looking back at the road.

Caroline looked ahead, seeing the house at the end of the dirt road, surrounded by grass. It seemed an of old or abandoned houses. And Stefan’s car was parked beside it. She sighed in relief.

_Stefan opened the door of his bedroom, watching with a little smile on his face the little box in his hand. He sighed, wondering what would be the best moment to ask her. He knew that Caroline needed it to be special, and he was willing to give her everything, everything she wanted in life. It was the least he could do._

_There was also this problem of her curiosity. He could not risk that Caroline found the ring before thinking about the perfect way to ask. He smiled, thinking of the face she would put, and picturing how, despite the stress, she would organize their wedding. She would take care of everything, and he could not wait to see her hysterical attacks in order to be the one who calmed her. He opened the closer and looked thoughtfully at the clothes hanging on_

_He finally chose the drawer where he kept some sweatshirts. He opened it and took one last look at the ring._

_“Stefan?”_

_Stefan was so startled that the little box almost slipped from his hands, but he held it tightly and turned his head towards the bathroom door. What the hell was Caroline doing there?_

_“Caroline?” he asked. She had her head peeked out from behind the door, with her hair worn up and a towel wrapped around her body._   
_“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, laughing at his reaction. His eyes were wide open and he looked nervous._   
_“Nothing” he said after clearing his throat. He put the box between two sweatshirts discreetly and closed the drawer and the closet. Caroline looked suspiciously at him._   
_“What do you have there?” she asked him._   
_“Have? Where?”_   
_“You’ve just put something in the drawer” she said. “Anyway, can you bring me my slippers? I left them out.”_   
_“What are you doing still here?” he asked, walking toward her and forgetting about the slippers._   
_“We both know what day it is. I told you I wouldn’t go to Whitmore and we’d celebrate your birthday even if you don’t want to” she said, tilting her head and smiling. Stefan snorted and took her hands to pull her out of the bathroom.  “The floor is cold, Stefan” she complained. “I’m barefoot.”_

_Stefan grabbed her thigh gently, indicating her to place her feet on his own._

_“I thought you were joking and you’d go to class” he said, interlacing their fingers._   
_“Not at all” she said, smiling. She put her arms around his neck and gave him a soft kiss. “Happy birthday.”_

_Stefan closed his eyes with a soft smile on his face. He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed._

_“You know the rules” he said._   
_“Spending the whole day with me in bed” she said as if she had learned it by heart. “Yes, I know. What a way to celebrate your birthday, Stefan” she pouted. He laughed._   
_“Honestly, that’s all I need and want” he gave her a soft kiss under her ear, neck, and Caroline felt a tingling in her stomach._   
_“Wait!” she exclaimed, startling him, and putting her feet on the ground. “Don’t move.”_   
_“Caroline, what…?”_   
_“Oh, is Damon at home?” she asked when she grabbed the doorknob. Stefan shook his head. “Great.”_

_Caroline disappeared and looked at the closet askance. She came back a minute later with a small chocolate cake that had a lit candle._

_“Caroline…”_   
_“What?”_   
_“We said no cakes” he reminded her._   
_“It’s a small one! You have to make a wish” Caroline stood in front of him. Stefan watched her as she smiled widely, waiting. What nonsense. He had everything he wanted in front of her. “Make a wish.”_

_Stefan blew out the candle and Caroline left the cake on the desk to head to the closet._

_“Now, let’s see what you’re hiding from me” she said. Stefan ran towards her to close the doors of the closet as soon as she had opened them. Caroline looked at him with narrowed eyes._   
_“Forget that” he said, holding her hand to pull her away from the closet. “We have more important things to talk about.”_   
_“Like what?” she asked, staring at the closet._   
_“The wish I’ve made” he put his arms around her waist and Caroline looked at him._   
_“Don’t you dare tell me! It won’t happen if you do” she warned him._   
_“It has already happened, Caroline. It’s already happening… It’s spending my whole eternity with you” he said._

_Caroline was about to be mad at him for telling her, but she could not after what he had jus said. She smiled, wrapping his neck with her arms and stroking his skin with her fingertips._

_“Forever doesn’t sound so bad now that I know I’m going to spend it with you” he said, looking into her eyes._   
_“No” she said, smiling. “It doesn’t sound bad at all.”_

Caroline, Bonnie and Damon got out of the car and looked at the façade of the house.

“Should we go separate ways?” Bonnie asked. “Should we…?”

Her words vanished when they heard a kind of explosion that came from inside of the house. Damon grabbed Caroline and Bonnie’s arms instinctively to make them crouch.

Caroline looked at the house, unable to hear anything. She had her ears blocked. Valerie walked out of the house and after looking around for a few seconds, she saw them crouched beside the car, some meters away. She looked at Caroline, who felt how her heart began to race. Valerie smiled, touched her necklace, and disappeared.

Caroline stood up slowly, staring at the open door of the house.

* * *

“Blondie!” Damon cried when Caroline started to walk towards the porch of the house.

She could feel her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She felt that sensation, the worst of all. She knew that Damon and Bonnie were following her, and yet she felt them further away than ever. Her hands were shaking and she felt as if she was going to faint, if it was even possible for a vampire.

She pushed the door of a room, her steps guiding her without even thinking. She saw him. Stefan was lying on the ground, inert. Lifeless.

Caroline opened her eyes widely and walked slowly towards him. She dropped next to his body just when Damon and Bonnie entered the room. Damon stared at them blankly. Stefan’s heart was next to his body.

“Stefan” Caroline whispered, bringing a shaking hand closer to his face. Scared of touching his skin and realize that it was not one of her nightmare. “Stefan” she repeated.

Caroline stared intently at him, waiting for him to answer. Her chest heavy, going up and down due to her breathing. She put her hand on his shirt, close to the hole in the chest area. She clenched her jaw, pursed her lips, and raised her eyebrows, looking at his eyelids and his parted lips. Waiting for his response.

“Stefan” she said, this time louder. “Stefan” Caroline shook him, rustling his chest. “Stop playing. Wake up.”

Bonnie looked away, covering her mouth. Damon was still looking at his brother, with his eyes fixed on his face.

“Stefan” Caroline gave him a little hit in the chest. “Stefan!” she cried this time with wide eyes and a knot in her throat. She grabbed the neck of his shirt, shaking him with strength. “I said wake up!”

Caroline started to punch his chest furiously as the tears streamed down her cheeks and she cried uncontrollably, sobbing while crying his name out in a heartbreaking way.

“Damon” Bonnie begged. But Damon could not move. He felt that no part of his body was able to respond.  
“Wake up!” Caroline yelled to Stefan. “Wake up or I swear I’ll never forgive you for this!” she grabbed his face with her hands and started to pat his cheeks. “Stefan, hey, Stefan, open your eyes” she said now, begging.

Caroline waited in silence for a few seconds, but getting no answer, she punched his chest hard again as she let out cries of rage.

“I hate you!” she shouted to his lifeless body. “I hate you, do you hear me?!”  
“Damon” Bonnie repeated.

Damon reacted and walked towards Caroline without saying a word. He grabbed her waist from behind to pull her away from Stefan’s bed.

“No! Let me go!” Caroline cried, trying to resist.  
“He’s dead, Caroline” Damon said with weak voice. Bonnie watched them, scared of seeing Caroline in that state, and not knowing what to do.  
“No!” she yelled before bursting into tears and letting herself drop, feeling weak. “No, please, no” Damon grabbed her as he could at seeing how her body did not have the strength to stand. She was shaking because of her constant crying, and he guided her towards the door.

Bonnie glanced at the lifeless body before following them. Caroline was trying to resist, but not struggling, just asking Damon to let her go in the middle of heartbreaking cries, telling him that she needed to go back and wake Stefan up. Telling him that he would wake up.

Damon opened the back door of the car and was able to put Caroline inside as she cried and cried endlessly, saying incomprehensible things. Damon looked at Bonnie, who looked worried at him, and he placed the car keys in her hands.

“Mystic Falls” he simply said, his eyes red. Bonnie could see the spark in them, and the great effort he was doing not to cry and stay steady.  
“Damon…” Bonnie began, bringing a hand closer to him. Damon walked past her towards the house.

Bonnie got in the car and put the keys on. She looked through the rearview mirror at Caroline, who was lying on the back seat, hunched over, crying nonstop as she mumbled “he can’t be dead” all over again. Bonnie pursed her lips and blinked several times, trying not to cry, turning the car around to leave.

She looked one last time through the rearview mirror at the house, knowing that Damon was staying to take care of the body. To say goodbye to his brother.


	9. IX

 

**CHAPTER IX.**

_I was burning inside. Nothing and nobody could ease the pain. I became a gray figure in the corridors. My shadow merged with the walls. Days fell off the calendar like dead leaves.  
Carlos Ruiz Zafón._

It had been three days, and she was still in the same place. She had not moved away from his side, she did not mean to do that anyway. Because Stefan could wake up at any time, and she would be the first thing he would see when he opened his eyes. And this time everything would be fine, this time they would be together, forever.

Caroline clung further to him, burying her face in his neck, interlacing their fingers, and smiling slightly against his skin.

“Everything will be alright” she whispered, closing her eyes.

In the living room, Damon looked at his glass and decided to stop listening. Bonnie looked at him from the opposite chair.

“What were you thinking?” she asked, breaking the long silence. Damon swirled the liquid of his glass, without leading it to his lips.   
“What was I supposed to do?” he replied with another question.  
“I thought you’d take care of the body, I thought-”  
“Stefan, Bonnie” Damon lifted his head to look at her severely. “It’s Stefan.”

Bonnie bit her tongue for a few seconds, but at hearing the soft humming coming from Stefan’s bedroom, at hearing how Caroline was singing to Stefan, she decided to continue.

“Damon, I understand what you’re going through. But…” Bonnie leaned forward in her chair to sit on the edge and take Damon’s glass from his hand “you can’t keep Stefan’s body in that bed any longer. Caroline…” she looked at the ground. “Her behaviour scares me.”  
“She’s just lost the person she loves the most, how would you behave, Bonnie?” he asked, looking away towards the fireplace. Bonnie sighed, pursing her lips. “I can’t move Stefan from there yet. I’m looking for ways to bring him back.”

Bonnie glanced at him and saw his expressionless face just when she heard Caroline laughing quietly, something that sent a shiver through her whole body. Damon closed his eyes at hearing and rubbed his forehead.

“Damon, please” Bonnie said. “The other side doesn’t exist anymore, you know there’s no way. Please, stop.”

Damon hesitated a few seconds, but finally looked at her. Bonnie stared back at him, worried, and put her hand on his knee.

“He’s my brother” he whispered weakly.  
“I know, but please” she repeated. “Let him go.”

Damon stared at her hand on his knee and finally broke down. And of all the things that Bonnie had thought that she would see in her life, Damon crying had definitely never been one of them.

* * *

It was night when Damon peeked out behind the door of his room carefully. Caroline was in the same position as usual. Lying on her side towards him, watching him intently as if she was a spectrum, stroking his hair.

“Caroline?” Damon said, standing in front of the bed, staring at her so she would not have to see the image of Stefan died again. Caroline, however, did not answer. She just kept staring at Stefan.

Bonnie and Enzo also entered the room. Caroline tensed a little at noticing the presence of so many people in the bedroom. Damon cleared his throat and sat on the bed, next to Stefan. He sought Caroline’s eyes with his gaze, but her eyes did not avert from Stefan’s face.

“Blondie” Damon said.  
“Shh” she said, closing her eyes and getting closer to Stefan. Bonnie looked frightened at Enzo, who rubbed her back, nodding at her.

Damon swallowed, and suddenly grabbed Stefan’s hand. Caroline, then, reacted and glanced at Damon. He took Stefan’s daylight ring and placed it on the bedside table carefully. Bonnie stepped forward, alert.

“What…? What are you doing?” Caroline asked Damon, confused.  
“I’m sorry, blondie” he said sincerely.   
“Damon?”  
“I’ll make it up to you” he said in a whisper.

Suddenly, Damon grabbed Stefan’s body. Caroline clung to him tightly, gripping him, trying not to let Damon take him.

“Damon, let him go! Don’t you dare” she yelled, trying to hold Stefan. But Damon was stronger, and threw Stefan over his shoulder. Caroline looked horrified at Damon from the bed, her eyes following him as he walked over to the door.

Caroline rose quickly, gathering strength from God knows where, and she followed him, but Enzo caught her before she jumped on Damon’s back.

“Damon!” she yelled. “No, no…” Caroline looked around with wide eyes and blank gaze, trying to resist. “Don’t take him away from me.”

Damon left the room and Caroline stared at the door, giving up struggling, stopping resisting.

“He was going to wake up…” she said in a whisper. “He was going…”

She felt silent suddenly and Bonnie looked watchful at her, waiting for a reaction. When they heard the front door of the house closing, announcing Damon’s departure, Caroline fell to the ground, letting out a tearing scream that was heard throughout the house, and that turned into a continuous cry.

“Caroline…” Bonnie said softly, not knowing what to do. Enzo grabbed her arm to stop her.

Caroline covered her face with her hands, crying and sobbing.

“Caroline, please” Bonnie begged with tears in her eyes.

Caroline sobbed one last time before uncovering her face and lifted her head to look around, listening to the silence in the room. The silence that had flooded her life since she saw him dead days ago. There was no sound. Nothing.

She stood up, and Bonnie worried at seeing how she staggered a little with an exhausted face. But Caroline kept her balance, and suddenly walked briskly towards the windows. She grabbed the curtains, which had covered the windows since they had arrived, and tore them off. Bonnie watched her helplessly, listening to her cries, seeing how she stripped the curtains one by one, how she knocked down everything on the desk to the ground, as well as the books of the shelves.

“Bonnie” Enzo said.

Bonnie swallowed and with a hand gesture, Caroline’s neck broke, and she fell to the ground, defeated.

* * *

No wonder, after what had happened, why she had preferred staying in another room. Damon looked around, staring at the books, the curtains, and other objects scattered on the floor of the bedroom as the sun rose in the sky.

He walked over the curtains until he stood in front of the bedside table. He took Stefan’s daylight ring with his fingers covered with soil, and watched it for a few seconds. He had spent the last five hours burying his brother and, despite being a vampire with supernatural strength, he felt more tired and exhausted than ever before.

“I’m sorry I failed you” he said, closing his fist around the ring tightly. He clenched his jaw, holding himself not to cry.

He walked over to the desk and bent down to pick up the jewelry box that Caroline had knocked over and in which he had put her engagement ring. The ring was next to the box, on the floor. Damon picked it up as well, thinking about how close Stefan had been to get everything he had always wanted.

He placed the jewelry box on the desk again and put both Stefan’s daylight ring and Caroline’s engagement ring inside. After finishing tidying up and leaving the room as it was, he knocked on the door of hers.

There was no answer, but he opened it. Caroline was sitting on the chair at the desk, hunched, with her knees drawn to her chest and her arms around her legs, as she looked out from the window with a distant look.

“Why?” she asked suddenly with weak voice, without looking at him.

Damon sighed and walked over to her. He leaned his back against the edge of the desk and folded his arms.

“Because with him here… we wouldn’t be able to focus on what we have to focus. And I need you to focus, blondie, more than ever.”

Caroline wiped the tear that fell down her cheek quickly with the back of her hand and sniffed. She looked up at him, trying to hold back the tears.

“I need you to focus on what you want to do in these precise moment the most” he said, looking intently at her. “I need you to listen to me carefully.”

* * *

_Falling down so heavy_   
_this heart lay down on the ground_   
_Faint glimmer once steady_   
_where are you now?_

~~November 2020.~~

She stared at the fire of the fireplace and put her arms around her legs, clung to her chest. And for a moment, she was able to discern his silhouette, him sitting on the chair in front of her, as they laughed. Only that his chair was empty, and the couch in front of her was occupied by Bonnie and Enzo. They watched her, and although she had not liked the idea very much at first, with time she stopped caring.

She tapped the seat and took  _Norwegian Wood_. She could feel how Bonnie looked furtively at her with a worried face, as she always did every time she took that book. Caroline always went everywhere with it.

Her aim was reading it, from beginning to end, and not only the sentences that Stefan had highlighted for her. Because now she was the one who highlighted the sentences that reminded her of him. Her little treasure. It was one of the few things that she had left and reminded of him. Ironic.

_And as the years have passed, the time has grown longer. The sad truth is that what I could recall in 5 seconds all too soon needed 10, then 30, then a full minute - like shadows lengthening at dusk. Someday, I suppose, the shadows will be swallowed up in darkness. There is no way around it: my memory is growing ever more distant from the spot where he used to stand - where my old self used to stand._

She stroked the page with her fingers, thinking about how much he would have liked that paragraph, thinking about how much she wanted to show it to him and tell him that this was precisely what she was feeling. Sharing her fears with him. The fear of waking up one day and not being able to recall his face in her memory, or recall what she felt when she hold his hand, or kissed his lips.

She felt how Enzo moved a little in his seat and approached his lips to Bonnie’s crown, although she did not look away from the page. She felt as if thousand splinters were stabbed in her imperfect, delicate, and abandoned heart. Not that she was not happy for them, she was, she had always been. But she had come to the conclusion that she was no longer able to understand what love was. That ability had left as soon as Stefan left.

And it hurt to see how others were happy, how others loved each other, while the only thing she could do was cling to a memory. But she made an effort, and raised her head a little to meet Enzo’s gaze. She smiled at him slightly, despite the sadness in her eyes, and Enzo returned the same kind of smile with a little nod. He knew that she was happy for them even if she could not say it with words.

Their fortuitous exchange of looks was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Caroline looked towards the hall as a reflex.

“Damon” Bonnie said, waving at him. He had been gone for three months. He used to travel regularly, make long trips that the brunette supposed he needed to distance himself from Mystic Falls and all the memories from time to time. “How was the trip?”  
“Fun” he said with irony.

Damon glanced at Caroline and they exchanged a brief, meaningful look.

“Enzo, you coming? I need a drink and something tells me these ladies aren’t in the mood” he said. Bonnie shook her head and rolled her eyes.  
“Sure” Enzo said, following him into the library.

Caroline looked back at the book, not paying attention to the words or what she was reading, knowing that Bonnie’s eyes were fixed on her.

“Caroline?”

She looked up at her with the most emotionless expression that no one had ever seen.

“Where does Damon go when he leaves for so long?” Bonnie asked her.

Caroline looked into her eyes intently.

“Who knows.”

* * *

~~May 2021.~~

_Coming back tonight?_

Caroline sent the message as she climbed the stairs, hoping that Damon would reply soon. She looked forward at the closed door of  _his_  bedroom, starting to feel that emptiness in her stomach.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and finally went to her bedroom. She dropped the phone on the desk and looked out the window, wrapping her arms around her, and pressing her cardigan against her body. Funny. Summer was about to start, and yet she felt cold. A constant cold that never went away. Maybe she was the one who emanated it.

“Come here.”

She smiled slightly, looking down. His voice was like the most longed for of caresses. She looked over her shoulder and saw him lying on her bed, pointing at the space beside him with his hand.

She walked over to the bed, climbing it carefully, and dropped her head on the pillow, facing him. Stefan stared back at her, running his hand through her arm.

“You know? I’ve been remembering something today” he said softly.  
“Yeah?” she said, raising her hand to stroke his cheek.   
“Yeah” Stefan took her hand to press his lips against her skin while staring at her eyes tenderly. “Years ago, I couldn’t understand why you liked to watch  _The Notebook_  so much.”

She smiled, shaking her head.

“But I think I get it now, and I think I get Noah now too. Especially after reading the book” Stefan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and she closed her eyes at feeling his touch.   
“You read it?”  
“I never told you, but I needed to know why you liked the story so much, so I did.”  
“And… What has made you sympathize with him? With Noah.”  
“Something he said, something that fits you perfectly.”

Stefan got closer to her and brought his lips close to her ear. Caroline closed her eyes, feeling his breathing against her cheek.

“ _You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together. You are, and always have been, my dream._ ”

She smiled a little, feeling the knot in her throat, the tears behind her eyelids, flooding her eyes. She felt his lips against her cheek to give her a soft kiss, and when he threw his head back, she opened her eyes, smiling as a tear fell down on the exact spot where he had kissed her. Stefan looked tenderly at her, with that look that expressed how much he adored her, and wiped the tear with his thumb quickly.

“Don’t cry” he said in a whisper. “It won’t take much longer. We’re almost there.”

Caroline smiled again and sighed. She got closer to him, gripping his shirt tightly, burying her face in his neck as she felt how he stroked her hair and pressed his nose against her head.

A knock on the door made her open her eyes, and saw the empty side of the bed. Damon opened the door and went in with his phone in hand.

“Everything all right, blondie?” he asked. Caroline stood straight and sat with her legs crossed. “I got your message just when I was parking the car in front of the house and-”  
“Why has it taken you so long, Damon?” Caroline stared at him, the smile that she had had on her face seconds ago has vanished.   
“What do you think, Caroline?” Damon asked, raising his arms and widening his eyes. Caroline was able to see a small stain of blood on the edge of his shirt.  
“Don’t forget our deal” she recalled, looking toward the edge of the bed.  
“I won’t. I told you I’d make it up to you, didn’t I?” Damon turned around to head to the door. “I need a damn shower.”  
“Damon.”

Damon stopped in front of the door and looked over his shoulder. Caroline stared at her own hands, getting ready to ask what she had been wondering for months and months since he had taken off Stefan’s daylight ring, since he had left with his body over his shoulder.

“Where is he?” she asked in a whisper.

Damon looked back at the door, calming down a bit. He sighed.

“I thought… I thought you’d like him to be next to Liz.”

Caroline stared at his back, at him trying to keep his bad boy behaviour. She pursed her lips tightly, and lowered her gaze again, her eyes filled with tears.

Damon walked out of the bedroom, and Caroline released the air she had been holding, sniffing. She looked towards the side of the bed, and stroked the place on which he had been lying next to her a few minutes ago.

In October 2025, when she was sitting in the living room, looking at the fire, and Damon sat in front of her, she knew, without the need of words and only by raising her head to meet his eyes, that it was time.

* * *

_And suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you’ll know the debt is paid.  
George R.R. Martin._

~~October 2025.~~

Valerie opened her eyes suddenly, feeling a blast of cold wind. She looked around, trying to get used to the darkness of the night. The fire was crackling in the fireplace, and according to the clock, it was 4am.

She had fallen asleep on the couch, and the window was open. She rose to close it, but then noticed something unusual. A shadow on the wall behind the fireplace. She frowned and walked slowly, suspiciously, towards the chair in front of the fire.

But her footsteps stopped when she suddenly heard a voice.

“It’s been a while.”

Caroline stood up without looking away from the fire, until she turned her face a little to look at Valerie over her shoulder.

“Don’t you think?” she asked with emotionless voice. Valerie was able to see the tired features of her face. And the desire of revenge in her eyes.

Valerie led her hand to her neck, seeking her necklace, but she did not find it. She looked up at Caroline and was surprised to see her expressionless face. No evil smiles like the one she had given to her after killing Stefan. No mad faces. Just a tired one, wanting to get over everything.

And that probably was the worst sign of all.

She gave two steps backwards and turned around, ready to run, but she bumped into Damon. He had the necklace in his hand and raised it to show her.

“Looking for this, crazy crazy?” he asked with a smirk. “You should be more careful when you sleep.”

He clenched his fist around it and squeezed hard, breaking it into a thousand pieces, turning it into powder, which fell slowly to the ground. Valerie looked around, breathing hard, and thinking about how to escape. But Damon grabbed her beck as Caroline walked towards them.

Valerie tried to resist and fight back, but could not release herself. Damon made her turn around to Caroline, putting his arm around her neck to hold her, and covering her mouth with his other hand to silence her cries for help.

Caroline stopped in front of her and looked into her eyes.

“Do you remember me?” she asked, emotionless.

Valerie tried to scream, to get rid of Damon’s grip in vain. As much as she grabbed his arm to try to pull it away from her neck, it was impossible. Caroline grabbed her chin to make her stay still.

“Do you remember?” Caroline repeated, her eyes darkening.

Valerie looked at her for a few seconds, motionless, until she nodded slightly.

“Good.”

Valerie sucked the air in her throat when she felt how Caroline ripped her heart out of her chest. The last thing her eyes saw was how Caroline’s face finally began to relax.

* * *

_What had stirred in me was a part of my very self that had long lain dormant. And when the realization struck me, it aroused such sorrow I almost burst into tears.  
Haruki Murakami._

It was 2am of the next day when they returned home after a long and quiet road trip. Caroline dropped her hand on the doorknob, shaking a little. She turned it and opened the door.

When she turned on the light, she saw everything clearly. She looked around, watching his bed, his books well placed on the shelves, the boxes with his journals in a corner of the room, some old shoes under the desk. The curtains were hanging from its bar again.

Damon must have fixed the mess she had made. He had to be exhausted after years of persecution, of tracking down the heretics and killing one by one in order to take away from Valerie everything that was important to her, until he found her. Because, obviously, he would not stand still without avenging his brother, and he had promised her a long time ago that she would be the one who would take care of Valerie.

She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself, standing still in the middle of the room, feeling as if he was there, feeling his presence. Remembering his laugh after waking up next to her in the morning.

She closed her eyes and approached the tips of her fingers to her mouth, being able to feel a rush of memories of his lips against hers. She sighed and walked slowly towards the windows to separate the curtains gently. The next morning, the sun would finally be able to enter through the windows.

She put the hair behind her ear and looked sideways at the jewelry box on his desk. When she opened it, she saw inside Stefan’s daylight ring, and the ring with which he would have had asked her to marry him. Damon had put them together, and she could not help but let out a shaky breath, feeling a knot in her throat. She touched the rings with her fingers, smiling softly.

“Is it over?” Damon asked, leaning against the door frame.

Caroline looked over her shoulder.

“Will you now be able to move on? To move forward?” he continued.

They exchanged a meaningful look.

“I think I will” she replied, nodding slightly.

Damon nodded too and looked around one last time before turning around. He stopped, however, before leaving. He grabbed the door frame and looked at Caroline. She looked back at him.

“Take care, blondie.”

Caroline’ lips formed a line as a little smile. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, knowing what the last years had meant to both of them; knowing how, Stefan Salvatore, had built up a kind of bond between them that probably neither of them would never be able to understand. They just knew.

Damon left the room and Caroline glanced back at the jewelry box, taking her engagement ring.

* * *

_The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we’ve lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we’ve found each other. And maybe each time, we’ve been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.  
Nicholas Sparks._

Damon walked down the stairs slowly, listening to the silence that surrounded the entire house. When his feet touched the ground floor of the living room, his gaze wandered from the chair facing the fireplace to the jewelry box on the table in which his glasses and his bottle of bourbon were placed.

He smiled briefly and walked over there to pour himself a drink while staring at Stefan’s jewelry box. He drank the glass in one gulp and took the folded paper under the box, realizing how much he missed her company already, realizing how much he would always miss his brother, and realizing how much he would miss seeing them together. Ironic, he thought, as he unfolded the note.

_Thank you.  
Caroline._

He nodded his head slightly, letting the note drop to the table in order to open the jewelry box. He watched the two daylight rings, his and hers, and he smiled softly.

He had a little suspicion that, if someone looked carefully, they would find her engagement ring on Stefan’s grave. They were finally together.

He poured himself another drink and stared at the ceiling. He raised the glass in his hand.

“Good luck, wherever you two are.”

~~THE END.~~

 

**A/N: I hope you have liked it! I'm still deciding whether I should post the epilogue or not. Thank you all for reading! :)**


	10. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Caroline put the key in the lock, but as soon as she did, she realized that the door was already open. She smiled and pushed it, and once she entered, saw the bouquet of orchids on the table while hearing some noise in the kitchen.

And then she new, she was finally home.

Stefan looked at her from the kitchen, wiping his hands with a cloth.

“I was waiting for you” he said, walking over to her with a soft smile on his face.

Caroline smiled back at him and put her arms around his neck.

“So… You remember me” she said.

Stefan cupped her cheeks with his hands, caressing them as he looked tenderly at her. He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed. Caroline’s heart jumped, more alive than ever.

“I never forgot you.”

THE END.


End file.
